Sunday, February 10, 2013

One Day at a Time

Today I realized as I reached into the refrigerator, that I'm out of creamer. This doesn't start the day off in the right direction, but as a friend pointed out to me; at least the creamer is gone because its gone and not because one of the kids dumped it in the Guinea pig cage or something. She has a point you know. In the past month I've cleaned up numerous things that the kids have dumped out. Maple syrup all over the playroom floor. Odin wanted to see what syrup did when it mixed with water. He found that the syrup expands. From the look on his face when I raised my voice, he simply had not thought about how he was going to hide the mess from me. It wasn't the best thing to wake up to, but it wasn't the worst.

As the kids grow up they're becoming gross little human beings. I find food stashed behind their beds, clothes stuffed in closets, my toothbrush behind the toilet and my shoes missing because they're on someone elses feet. My make up is always missing or broken, the hairbrush is on the floor, and I'm critiqued when  I get dressed every day.

"Is that what you're wearing mom?"
"Are you going out like that??"

My self esteem soars not only about myself and how wonderfully fantastic I look, but because of how put together and organized my house is. (You know I'm being sarcastic now with that sentence.)... Persephone just came over and handed me her fathers now mutilated deodorant stick. ... she smells like Right Guard. ..  will I ever get this blog posted today?

How many things must I clean up? Have I mentioned that Persephone is the most destructive child I've ever known? Give her a pair of scissors and a piece of anything, and she'll be happy cutting all day. Cutting my tablecloth, her shirt and her hair I might add.

I think I'm slowly giving up the clean house fight. I can clean all day and at bedtime it doesn't matter how much I've been on my feet.. the piles of "things" just keep accumulating. Little pieces of paper that are very important to someone. Clean clothes strewn about the room instead of being in baskets or GASP! even put away in dressers! Broken straws taped to paper that is tied to several toys and my door frame. One of these times I'm going to get stuck in some trap they've set up with duct tape and string. They're out to get me, so I say bring it on! It can't be worse then the Lego's they left on the floor for me to step on again.

All kidding aside, this parenting gig really does gets harder and not easier. Just when I think I finally know the rules and I can do this. I find confidence in parenting at last!... they change the rules again. The kids are getting older and its not as easy to make the right choices anymore. Its complicated! I feel inadequate most every day, but I keep reminding myself that life is a journey and I'm not expected to know everything all at once. I'm still happily learning every day, along with my children. As they grow, they're teaching me things about myself. For the first time I realize they're watching me and really taking in everything that I say, the good; the bad; and the ugly. While making cookies one night, Ivy asks if she can lick the bowl. Piper says without hesitation, "No Ivy. The batter has raw eggs in it. You can't lick the bowl, I'm sorry."  What makes it interesting is that's the exact phrase I have always said to the kids over the years, but never realized it until that exact moment I heard it parroted back at me. I had that moment.. the one where everything stands still and it feels like I'm in a movie. These little children that I created, are individuals and they're growing up.

They need me less and less every day, yet they need me in other ways that never existed before. I have a bond with each of my children, and watching that bond change and grow over the years is surreal.

Sometimes I catch myself getting grumpy about a particular phase one of the children are in at the moment, but its easier now to put it in perspective. One day at a time around here.

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