I've come to realize that a lot of the people that I spent time with and tried hard to be friends with are simply not worth it.
I'm on a few email lists for witches in the area, been on them for years. They've evolved and merged and seperated. All the normal things that complicated email lists do. I've made a few good friendships from them. The kind where I can call them up at 10pm and just shoot the shit. I'm very glad for those. Then there are the ones were I try really hard to be friends but for some reason we just clash, or they are simply oblivous to the fact that friendship takes work.
I'm tired of the childish cliques (is that really a word?) It seems this one person is always trying to be with the "In" crowd, and there is no in crowd here. We're all adults just trying to make new friends and have others to get together for rituals with, and grow with. She jumps from one person to another and says she loves unconditionally, but yet she never really gives her all. You can literally see through her and know that she's fake. Its a sinking feeling really. We've all tried talking to her but its useless. She really cannot see how she is to others. She makes plans with one of us, but if something better comes along she drops us cold and makes up some excuse. She starts wars between people on the list, and gossips far more than even I ever did in high school.
It is mentally exhausting and tiring. I wonder sometimes why I even try to get involved in the Pagan community. Then I remember the friends that I did make. They are true friends. Grown up's even! (insert eye roll here)
I figure if something doesn't change soon I'm just going to go back to being a hermit. High school was a bad enough experience for me. I thought I graduated already...