Its Not a Fish!

Its Piper holding Persephone!

Almost the End of 2009

When you take a group photo of 4 kids six and under, its hard to get a good shot. Someone is either not looking, sticking their tongue out, wiggling too much, and completely out of the shot. This is the best one I got. I like it, even if Piper isn't looking. Again.

So Christmas is over. I know I haven't posted pictures of it. I will. But the tree is already down. I couldn't take it up anymore. Which makes me sad because I remember how much I loved the lights hanging up year round at the farm. I would stare at them and squint my eyes up, and wiggle my head back and forth. I'd watch how the lights would spin when you closed your eyes halfway. How they colors could all swirl into one. I'm not sure how no one knew I was autistic back then. Even to me looking back its pretty obvious. Oh what the power of the internet and google could have done 30 years ago! It would have made sense to my endless spinning. Even when I got older and played with my cousins, I'd manufacturer games that involved spinning. As I watch my daughter interact with kids, I cringe knowing thats how badly I interacted as well. I was bossy and demanding. I know why. I needed them to play the way I was playing because I already had it in my head. THIS was how the Barbies were going to play today. They had boyfriends and they were going to watch and movie. And pretend I said that I loved him. Pretend I was here. Pretend I was there. No! No! Not there! HERE! Uggghhhh over HERE! .... I didn't care what they wanted to do. I didn't like their ideas because I had already written how the playing was going to go. It was already in stone. You can't change that. ..... I watch my 3 year old struggle to play with Ivy because she wants to use her own ideas, and Ivy will have none of that. I've become a broken record; Let your sister play the way she wants to play Ivy. Let her use her own ideas please. Ivy stop telling her what to say. .. Eventually Piper gets tired of it and wanders off to watch tv, which of course leaves Ivy absolutely angry beyond belief because SHE WAS PLAYING!

I look at the picture above and I can see it. I love her to death, and the picture is adorable! However.. her arms are around both the baby and Odin, because then SHE is the one in control. I know her reasons. It helps to control the chaos in her head. It gives her consistency and helps her to know whats happening if she's the one calling the shots. But to others it appears controlling and bossy. And it often leaves Piper out..

One of my New Years Eve things this year... I can't think of the word I'm looking for. Promises... um...oh! Resolutions! One of my resolutions is going to be to make more time for Piper. To pay attention to her more when she talks and grabs my arm. She's the middle girl and she tends to get lost sometimes I think. I don't want that. I want her to know I love her and she's every bit as important as Ivy (chris and my first together and the one with special needs) and Odin (the only boy) and Persephone (the baby) and Sierra (the real oldest but different kid cause she has two homes) .... Piper just IS in all of this, and I want her to feel special too.

I'll post more later, PJ is fussing.

Persephone's First Christmas. 2009

On Our Walk

My Childrens Birth Stats

And finally all in one place, here are my childrens birth stats. Of interesting note: Sierra and Piper share the same day of birth, Odin is only one day off. Ivy and Persephone share the same birth weight, and Sierra and Piper share the same length. Record holders for weight, Piper! Sierra was the smallest. Piper took the award in length as well! Persephone took the award for shortest baby. Odin was the only baby born during the morning hours, and Persephone was the closest to midnight without going over! (why did I just hear the Price is Right theme song?)

Sierra Morgan 6-12-98 9:53pm York Hospital, York Maine
7lbs 4.5 oz 20 inches long
born 3 days past her due date (6/9/98)

Ivy Keriana 7-30-03 6:03pm Southern Maine Medical Center, Biddeford Maine
8lbs 11oz 20.5 inches long
born on her due date

Piper Anastasia 1-12-06 10:37pm Mercy Hospital, Portland Maine
9lbs 1.8oz 20 3/4 inches long
born on her due date

Odin Christopher 2-11-08 8:49am crowned on I295, Mercy Hospital, Portland Maine
8lbs 10oz 20 inches long
born on his due date

Persephone Jade 10-27-09 11:48pm Mercy Hospital, Portland Maine
8lbs 11oz 19.5 inches long
induced at 39 weeks (a week before her due date of 11/3/09)

Introducing Persephone Jade (PJ)

The last picture of me before induction began. 39 weeks.

I was induced October 27th at about 10am. They broke my water and let my body take it from there. I was confident labor would progress on its own, and it did! There were a few points that the nurses were miffed that I wasn't in enough pain they said, and talked about using Pitocin. I said no way! Just because I'm on the computer and laughing and joking doesn't mean things aren't progressing! I just have a higher pain tolerance for labor.

I had the laptop in front of me and updated constantly.

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Anastasia  Okie dokie... I'm leaving for realz this time. Its late, and I gotta get up early. After I shower and shave everything tomorrow, the hopsital better let me come and have a baby or I'm gonna be pretty angry... LOL

October 27 at 12:14am 

AnastasiaBirthing center is making me call them back at 9:30. Figures! Actually got up and showered and everything is set here at home. Bah.

AnastasiaWhoohooo! I got the laptop working here! All is well on the labor and delivery floor. They broke my water and contractions are picking up. Its all a waiting game now. I'll keep ya posted!

October 27 at 1:39pm

Anastasia Things are still going well. No baby yet. Fish chowder was good though! LOL

October 27 at 4:56pm

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Anastasia 3 cm's left to go. Come on baby! I ordered room service before they closed at 7 just so I'd have something to eat later... cause I'm good like that. LOL

October 27 at 6:48pm

Anastasia  My husband is having a hard time with things tonight. LOL I feel bad for him actually. He's tired, in pain, and just seems to be a bit fuzzy in the brain. I ♥ him so very much though. :)

October 27 at 8:50pm

Anastasia  8 cms! Making good progress. I feel like I have facebook fans cheering me on. LOL

October 27 at 9:14pm

Anastasia Alright... taking a POLL people! Will this baby be born in the next two hours and be here on October 27th, or after midnight and on October 28th??? Voting starts... NOW!

October 27 at 10:15pm

Anastasia Why is narcotic pain relief considered pain relief? It doesn't take away any pain at all. It just turns me into the chick that had a few beers at the hospital. LOL this birthing stuff is funny

October 27 at 11:07pm

Anastasia gonna try out the tub for a few minutes. Baby should be here soon.

October 27 at 11:35pm

Anastasia Persephone Jade was born October 27th at 11:48pm. We are doing great :)

October 28 at 12:28am

 

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Anastasia Persephone is 19.5 inches long and 8 lbs 11 oz with a 14 3/8th inch head size.

October 28 at 1:14am

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Anastasia  Pediatrician came, all is good with the baby. Eating my breakfast now.

October 28 at 8:51am

Anastasia  Persephone Jade. My blurry cellphone picture. LOL

October 28 at 10:41am

Anastasia 

Persephone Jade

October 28 at 11:25am

Anastasia I slept past lunch?! Oh I don't think so! I'm having that turkey club sandwhich!

October 28 at 2:50pm

Anastasia  Internet went down for awhile. That was a bummer. Staying here for the night so they can do the PKU testing on the baby. We'll be going home early in the morning cause I miss my other babies! :) waiting for dinner now.

October 28 at 6:30pm

Anastasia  My hubby is taking a shower, and I'm watching Ghost Hunters and thinking about re-heating my dinner and eating it. Beautiful baby girl is sleeping on the bed. Much better mood she's been in today. I ♥ her.

October 28 at 8:06pm

Anastasia  Chris is sleeping, and so is the baby. I have to wake her up and feed her so they can do her hearing test again. She keeps failing in one ear. They're doing vitals at 11 tonight, so its pointless to go to sleep before then. But man... 3 hours of sleep for the past 72 hours doesn't feel that great...

October 28 at 10:17pm

Anastasia Baby girl sucks her thumb! The first one to do that. ♥ I'm gonna have to wake Chris up so he can put her to sleep for the hearing test. She wants nothing to do with sleep as long as food is nearby. (me) Boy am I tired..

October 28 at 11:39pm

Anastasia We're home and settling in. The kids are meeting their new baby sister ♥

October 29 at 3:03pm

I never did make the jacuzzi.  Look at the time stamp from the last update on facebook to her time of birth. Literally my entire labor I was on the computer. LOL It was a good distraction. But boy did it make the nurses mad.

Our first picture together. The OB took it.

 Persephone nursing for the first time.

Hanging out in the isolate for a few. 

One of the hospital pictures.

A few days old at home. PJ has the most wonderful disposition even now at almost two months old. Even after our bout and hospitalization with H1N1. But thats another post! Hopefully I'll write a better birth story soon. Things are kinda crazy with FIVE kids. Whew.

Merry Yule! Happy Solstice!

Welcome to the family Persephone Jade!

 

Sugar Cookies

Sugar Cookie Icing
----------------------

This is the best icing I've found. I love it!

Ingredients

• 1 cup confectioners' sugar
• 2 teaspoons milk
• 2 teaspoons light corn syrup
• 1/4 teaspoon almond extract
• assorted food coloring

Directions

1. In a small bowl, stir together confectioners' sugar and milk until smooth. Beat in corn syrup and almond extract until icing is smooth and glossy. If icing is too thick, add more corn syrup.
2. Divide into separate bowls, and add food colorings to each to desired intensity. Dip cookies, or paint them with a brush.

Sugar Cookies


The best sugar cookies of all time!
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Ingredients

• 1 1/2 cups butter, softened
• 2 cups white sugar
• 4 eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 5 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1 teaspoon salt

Directions

1. In a large bowl, cream together butter and sugar until smooth. Beat in eggs and vanilla. Stir in the flour, baking powder, and salt. Cover, and chill dough for at least one hour (or overnight).
2. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C). Roll out dough on floured surface 1/4 to 1/2 inch thick. Cut into shapes with any cookie cutter. Place cookies 1 inch apart on ungreased cookie sheets.
3. Bake 6 to 8 minutes in preheated oven. Cool completely.

Persephone's First Month

Ivy and Persephone

My Baby Shower. Sort Of.

I considered writing this post a few times, and even did it once having omitted names. However I feel this is my blog and my blog has my feelings. I don't link to this thing anywhere, so no one should have it or know it. If they snoop for it, oh well. Their fault.

I didn't want a baby shower, but I got one anyway. Shannon insisted I have one. I told her no one would come. She insisted they would. No one that I invited came. Only family showed up. (not my family, Chris's family) I do believe I told her that would happen.

There are a lot of things that went wrong, starting with who didn't show up.. but I held it all in. Smiled through my teeth and willed the next few hours to pass quickly. Luckily they did. The only redeeming value was that Dave got us a pack of diapers, and the cake looked pretty. It didn't taste too great, but hey.. I took pictures of it so we can remember how PRETTY it was, not how it tasted. LOL

I was given a lot of used stuff by Shannon, which would have been fine if it had been in good condition. But it smelled like cigarette smoke and mildew. Two things I just can't have my newborn stuff smelling like. I tried to wash and fabreeze things but it didn't do any good. When Tonya let me know that Shannons dog had peed all over everything, and she kept it a secret and just wrapped it all up anyway.... well, eventually I just threw it all away because it was depressing me to look at it in my living room. To give someone used things is one thing. To give them used things that your dog peed on is another. It was like a slap in the face, but hey.. who am I to ask for clean usable things? Thats above me. I'm the poor little orphan girl that no one wants, I can make due right?

So I still need to get a bassinet, but it will have to wait until after the baby is born because we don't have the money to buy it now.

After the so called baby shower, I lapsed into a bit of a funk. Of course, having it rubbed in my face basically that I don't have any family or friends by insisting I invite people I KNOW will never come to my shower... its not surprising that I got depressed. I was sad. I still am.

Though there are only 3 more days and a bowl of cheerios until we meet this little one, so its understandable why my emotions might be a bit on the surface.

More later..

Its October..

Time really flies doesn't it? I know I haven't updated, and I'm trying really hard to feel guilty about that but I just can't muster it up. I blog when I can yanno? Some of us have a life. And four kids to parent on top of it! (really thats my only life, who am I kidding? LOL)

So we'll be meeting baby #5 in three weeks. I'll be induced sometime around the 27th I believe. They don't want me laboring on my own since it takes about 5 minutes. Apparently they were not impressed with my last baby being practically born on 295. Honestly I thought it was pretty cool.

So we found out it was a girl. Not sure if I mentioned it last time or not. Her name will be Persephone Jade. I think Persephone is a wonderful addition.

Sierra Morgan, Ivy Keriana, Piper Anastasia, Odin Christopher, and Persephone Jade. Beautiful names. My only hope is that my children turn out to be just as beautiful on the inside when they're adults as their names are right now.

Its odd going back and reading this blog. Its been five years since I started it. Five years is a long time for anything, but especially long for raising kids. So many changes. So many things are different now. I mean, I have nearly 3 more children than I did then. Sierra is back and living with me and has been for two years now. We've moved. We've gotten married. .... so many changes that its mindboggling really.

And now I'm looking at another change. Adding our 5th and quite possibly last child to our family. This baby wasn't planned. Not unwanted, but not planned. And feelings are so different with a surprise pregnancy I've found. I haven't felt emotionally the same feelings as I did the others. A lot of ambivalence this time around. A lot of confusion. I want to be happy. I really do! And I am. But I think this pregnancy just came so close to Odins birth that I have the BTDT feeling. Nothing is new or exciting. And it should be. Every child should be special even before they're born. I feel like I'm already not treating her right. Guilt comes in big doses when you're a mother...

I washed the infant clothes yesterday and folded them. I'm trying to get into the mood. Less than a month from now I'll be pushing her our, so I'd better comes to terms with this addition. The kids are more used to the idea of having another baby than I am!

Chris has been great. He really has. The other pregnancies he wasn't there for me much, but this time... I owe a lot to Ritalin. No really. LOL Since he started taking it, he's been a new person. He's helpful and does everything around the house. Hell he does more than I do! (I tell him he's got 7 years to make it up to me LOL)

I have a lot of pictures to add. Hopefully I'll get to in the next few days. If not.. just remember... I've got a life yo.

Piper, Fall of 2008

I took this picture with my cellphone camera. It came out remarkably well.

Surprise Photo Shoot Part 2

This picture is cute, except I hate pictures with the flash on. Its so harsh. Perhaps I can edit it and change it with the photo editor and mute it somehow.

This is my favorite. Getting Odin to sit still and look at the camera at the same time is rare. Only natural light was used, as you can see its not really enough lighting to do the picture justice. My camera is much better than it appears in this picture. The graininess comes from the poor lighting conditions. Live and learn! Still, I love this picture. I don't have professional pictures of all the kids together, so I'm really loving this one.

Yep I made her pose alone. She hated every minute of it, but at least I have a picture of her. ;-)

The lighting in the bedroom isn't very good, and my backdrop definitely has to be secured up better. But for deciding on a whim to catch a picture of all of them, its not half bad. If anyone knows Sierra, you know how difficult it is to get her in a picture at all! So I'm really glad I decided to subject us all to the very hot bedroom and snap a few.

Next time, different room. Better lighting, better backdrop adjustments, and I'll wash the girls feet. LOL

Surprise Photo Shoot

On a whim I threw up a sheet and snapped a few pictures today. I didn't even bother to wash Pipers feet as you can see. And ya know what? I don't really care. This picture came out great!

Ivy- Four days shy of turning 6 years old.
Piper- 3.5 years old
Odin- 17 months old
(in the other picture) Sierra- 11 years and 1 month old.