Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Deja Vu

I've been feeling a bit depressed lately. Usually when I feel that way I'm not sure why, but this time I do. I'm feeling a major lack of connection from my friends. I'm quite sure that I haven't done anything to make a gap, but its there anyway. Oddly enough, when I was pregnant with Ivy the same thing happened. The further along I got, the more my friends seemed to find other things to do. I know its only natural to look inward more when you come closer to giving birth, but why should that mean that your friends turn away? Or maybe it doesn't happen to others, but only me?

I'm not really sure what to think anymore. Yes, I know its possible I'm just hormonal and sensitive, but.. I've been left out of the loop again. Email lists talk about things and I have no idea what they're referencing, almost feeling like the unpopular girl left out in high school again. Dinner parties and get togethers get talked about among everyone, yet I wasn't invited again. And really, its not that I haven't had an invitation to visit anyone in awhile...but more that no one is talking to me. No phone calls or IM's for quite awhile. And all this, just when I thought I had finally found a few solid friends. Its been weeks since anyone has really contacted me. I try, but it seems they are either always busy.. or just don't have time for me. Either way, it hurts and I've been increasingly getting more depressed about it as time goes on. I shouldn't let it bother me I guess. Its happened before. Friends come and go, and sooner or later I always end up feeling replaced by someone else. I just wish I knew why.

Instinct tells me that its something I'm doing wrong, yet I can't seem to think of anything. I try to be there as a friend. I try my hardest to be available and be kind. I guess I've just never had much luck being friends with other women, because no matter how promising friendships seem... they always peter out and I'm left with nothing again.

1 comment:

  1. Oh I feel like shit now, I am so so sorry hon!
    I never intentionally meant to pull away, I still love you dearly!
    I legitimately haven't been online a whole lot lately and when I have been I've been bouncing here and there without getting anything accomplished.
    I think unknowingly I have pulled away from everyone as AF's time grows closer this month. I hate to be such a boo hoo baby and I know noone wants to hear me whine yet again that we're "not". Depression hits and makes it hard for me to get out of bed and face the day.
    I wanted to call you today but wasn't sure where you are or what you're doing .... IM or email me? Then I'll call. Don't want to call when you're in the middle of something.
    *love you!*

    P.S. I really hate this word verification LMAO It won't let me post again :P