Sunday, October 04, 2009

Its October..

Time really flies doesn't it? I know I haven't updated, and I'm trying really hard to feel guilty about that but I just can't muster it up. I blog when I can yanno? Some of us have a life. And four kids to parent on top of it! (really thats my only life, who am I kidding? LOL)

So we'll be meeting baby #5 in three weeks. I'll be induced sometime around the 27th I believe. They don't want me laboring on my own since it takes about 5 minutes. Apparently they were not impressed with my last baby being practically born on 295. Honestly I thought it was pretty cool.

So we found out it was a girl. Not sure if I mentioned it last time or not. Her name will be Persephone Jade. I think Persephone is a wonderful addition.

Sierra Morgan, Ivy Keriana, Piper Anastasia, Odin Christopher, and Persephone Jade. Beautiful names. My only hope is that my children turn out to be just as beautiful on the inside when they're adults as their names are right now.

Its odd going back and reading this blog. Its been five years since I started it. Five years is a long time for anything, but especially long for raising kids. So many changes. So many things are different now. I mean, I have nearly 3 more children than I did then. Sierra is back and living with me and has been for two years now. We've moved. We've gotten married. .... so many changes that its mindboggling really.

And now I'm looking at another change. Adding our 5th and quite possibly last child to our family. This baby wasn't planned. Not unwanted, but not planned. And feelings are so different with a surprise pregnancy I've found. I haven't felt emotionally the same feelings as I did the others. A lot of ambivalence this time around. A lot of confusion. I want to be happy. I really do! And I am. But I think this pregnancy just came so close to Odins birth that I have the BTDT feeling. Nothing is new or exciting. And it should be. Every child should be special even before they're born. I feel like I'm already not treating her right. Guilt comes in big doses when you're a mother...

I washed the infant clothes yesterday and folded them. I'm trying to get into the mood. Less than a month from now I'll be pushing her our, so I'd better comes to terms with this addition. The kids are more used to the idea of having another baby than I am!

Chris has been great. He really has. The other pregnancies he wasn't there for me much, but this time... I owe a lot to Ritalin. No really. LOL Since he started taking it, he's been a new person. He's helpful and does everything around the house. Hell he does more than I do! (I tell him he's got 7 years to make it up to me LOL)

I have a lot of pictures to add. Hopefully I'll get to in the next few days. If not.. just remember... I've got a life yo.

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