Oh Really?

Friday I picked up Sierra from her gymnastics class as usual. I was waiting for her to put on her shoes (ever so slowly) when one of the women who works there came up to me and started talking.

"I know you're not Sierra's mother but.."

I raised my eyebrow at her and said, "Excuse me? I most certainly am her mother. The other woman you see is her step-mother. I am her mother." It was obvious she was confused. She blinked several times with her mouth open and mumbled, "but.." Then the backpaddling began.

"Of course you are! I mean, just look at you! You both look so much alike! I can't believe I made such a faux pas! Oh, um... I don't believe we've met. I'm ___" I shook her hand. "And I'm Sierra's mother."

"Well Sierra, why don't you show your mother where your papers are, and.."
"She already knows where they are! She's been here before." Sierra says.

"Oh, well.. do you get to see Sierra much? Because she's so great at gymnastics. She's kind to the other girls and cheers them on without anyone telling her to. I think thats just great! Do you get to see her do her routines often?"

Sierra rolled her eyes and said, "I do them all the time at my mothers house in the living room. Of course I see my mother."

Finally the woman walked away. Never have I been so uncomfortable in my life. No, I take that back. I'm always uncomfortable there. I'm surrounded by PTA going, soccer moms and I just don't fit in with that. Its not me. Whenever I pick her up at school the same type of women are there. The competing type. <shudder> I can think of nothing I hate more than being around those types of people.

Okay, only one thing is worse... being around those types of people, feeling out of place, and then being told I'm not my daughters mother.

Later I was angry about it. I decided that my ex husband must have written his wifes name down in the "mother" line when they signed her up for gymnastics. He did that with the school before. Completly left me off the paperwork whatsoever and put his new wifes name as her mother. Not cool. I talked to him about it then, and fixed the paperwork myself.

This time, since it was happening again.. I was not going to be happy. Instead he told me that the paperwork was filled out correctly this time and that he thought I was right. It was disrespectful to not put my name, or at least put her name on the wrong line. At least acknowledge I'm her mother ya know? I explained what happened at gymnastics and I guess the woman that was rude is usually a bit "off" to everyone. He apologised and assured me that everyone else there is fully aware that I'm her mother. The conversation went a lot better than I expected it would. Of course, being the pessemistic woman that I am, I'm already waiting for the other shoe to drop now.

I also did find out that I didn't get an invitation to Sierra's open house at school. Then I remember, I'm not her mother.. so why should I be invited? <grrr...grumble...>

Divorce makes such a mess out of things sometimes.

Ch..ch..ch..changes

I decided that I needed a new look and feel to my blog, so I changed things a bit. Not too much, but enough to satisfy my rearranging bug. (I'm also known for moving where the couch is in the living room almost weekly) After a few snags this blog is finally presentable again, unlike my living room...

Moving Thoughts

I recieved a letter in the mail the other day telling me that my name has finally gotten near the top of the waiting list for a housing development nearby! This is great news! Its time to do the paperwork, and approval stuff so that when a 3 or 4 bedroom opens up we'll be all set to get it. Technically low income housing, its still one of the best places around here. Two playgrounds on the property, and plenty of grass for the kids to play in. Every place has their own fenced in little backyard. Nothing huge or fancy, but a yard! In my mind I've already sectioned off a tiny piece of it so I can grow my own tomatoes and herbs. Mmmm... that will be so heavenly! I haven't had my own space outside to putter around in for, well.. almost 7 years!

There are a few down points. We will have to pay for our own heating, which is monitor heat. And they don't allow dryers, so we'll have to bring our clothes to the washing room and pay to dry them, or hang up a clothesline. I'll definatly be doing that in the warm months! Hell I'd do it now if there was a place to PUT a clothesline here.

So, I'm thinking it may not actually happen until after January because the woman said we'd qualify for a 4 bedroom. I'm assuming because we wouldn't move in until after this baby is born. Still, considering we were thinking about giving up on the place just a week ago... this is awesome! How have we moved from number 13 in line for the past 3 years... to close to the top?? My guess is that they are giving people only a week (like my letter said) to call them back or they take them off the list. Miss your letter? Forget to call? My gain!!

I'd be lying if I said my heart doesn't start to flutter just a bit when I think of moving. We've been here for 3 years. 3 LONG years with no yard at all. No place for the kids to go outside. How I long to be able to say, "Go outside and play!" to the oldest. And how much she wishes she could! And to be able to just let them go into the fenced in backyard and play... ahhhh happiness! I seriously think we'll all be so much happier with a bit more outside space to roam in.

So, please keep us in your thoughts. We have to pass a very strict application process that has me a bit nervous. They want our last 10 years of residence/history. Thats pretty impossible because we lived with family most of it. So the woman told me to have plenty of solid and positive family references. Umm... =( I don't speak to my family for a reason. Those who I do talk to, are ones I didn't live with! Sometimes having a small family really does stink. Who am I supposed to use as a positive reference for us? I don't want to lose out on this oppurtunity, but its almost like being honest won't work. How can I get into this place if I don't have family who is willing to help me?

The Last Summer Beach Rose

While we were at the beach for the last time in late summer, I found a bush of beach roses that were still fairly in bloom. The rose hips were so big that the girls thought they were apples! Beach roses are one of my favorite flowers, and they smell so nice!

I couldn't resist the temptation to take a picture of it. Since I couldn't get Bloggers upload picture to work for me, I decided to put it up here the old fashioned way. I hope you enjoy it. =)

Now that fall is almost here in full swing, I'll miss the beach walks and the sand. We'll probably still go a few times as its quite warm, but it offically won't be summer anymore. Oh! I thought I should mention that Chris and I are 99% sure that this baby girls name will be Piper Anastasia. I hesitated at first, but the more I hear it.. I absolutly love it. ;-) I'll post a belly shot as soon as I can crop my head out. Haha! =)

Bah!

I have been suffering from allergies or something the past few days. I've been misrable. Stuffy, runny nose. Headache that just won't go away. (theres nothing new there though) Just feeling crappy. Ivy definatly is feeling whatever it is I'm feeling because her nose is runny as well. Damn it! I said I loved fall, not allergies!

The past week I've also been hormonal as all hell. I've been teary and emotional, and half the time not even making rational sense about what I'm upset at. I've been trying to blame it on my new medication. Levothyroxine has to have some side effects like that right? lol

Today is the big day that Chris promised he'd change the girls bedroom around. Giving them the bigger room, and me the smaller one. I'm excited because it will give me more space to put their clothes and whatnot. Small things excite me, what can I say?

PS. I've been trying to add all sorts of wonderful picture to my past few entries but for some reason it won't upload them. Oh it SAYS it uploaded it fine, but no picture shows up.

Witches Weekly:

Are there any symbols or symbology that are significant or special to you? (runes, shapes, symbols created by you) Why is it special to you?

I am really brought closer to the Goddess by moon shapes, circles, and crescents. The pentacle, and the numbers 3 and 7. Anything arranged in groups of 3 and 7 are wonderful!

What does your special place of worship look like? (altars, sacred space inside or outside) Can you provide a picture?

My altar is my home. =) Some things are around my desk and computer, and others are on shelves and the tops of dressers. Nearly every room has some sacred place set aside. There is a picture of one of my altars on the side of my blog. ;-)

How have these symbols and sacred spaces transitioned over time?

They are always changing! One of the biggest changes however is that my children now like to contribute to my altar. So much in fact, that they have their own special places and we've also made a family altar so all the members of the family can add things and not clutter up my own personal space. After hearing, "Just one more rock Mama! This one is VERY special!" I decided that we needed more creative space for all of us.

Years ago I wasn't comfortable with the pentacle. It almost brought about a sense of shame, because so many people around me looked down on those who wore them openly. I would often hide mine. Some years later after I effectivly "came out of the broom closet" I now wear mine with pride and joy. Its a very special and significant piece of jewelry I wear, and the many pentacles that are around my house remind me of my closeness with nature every day. One of the first words my youngest daughter said was, "star." =)

As I grow and change, so do my altars.

Rearranging

I've been in the process of attempting to switch rooms with the girls. Sierra only uses her room during the weekends, and Ivy sleeps with me. Still I want them to have more space then they have right now. So, I decided to take the small bedroom and put them in the big one. Really, how much time do I spend in my bedroom anyway? They play in theirs, read, jump on the bed.. ya, they need more space than I do. Course, I didn't realize that the closet was a lot smaller than mine until after we switched all the clothes. Mine was much deeper. The one in the smaller room is obviously made to be a kids closet because adult clothes just don't fit in it well. Oh well.

I finally scored some awesome clothes for the new baby at Goodwill. I love to wait until they have their 99 cent sale. Sierra of course went straight to the shoe section where she picked out, yet another pair of high heeled shoes. We walked to the playground, only to find that they now lock it up when school is not in session. Really nice huh? Because I promised Ivy that we'd go to the playground, I had to walk across town to go to the other one. Boy is my poor back killing me!

We went to the beach the other day, one of our last beach trips of the summer. The girls looked for beach glass and pretty rocks, and surprisingly the water wasn't that cold. No one went swimming, but we all dunked our toes in. I took a great picture of a beach rose before we left.

Oh! My husband has been a week and 1/2 now without smoking! He's chewing niccorette gum (or generic alternative paid for by insurance) and he's doing awesome! I'm so proud of him.

Hard Times

The hurricaine didn't hit us here, but we're still feeling it. The price of gas has risen so high that I've had to cancel all my appointments for this week. We simply cannot afford to put gas in our car. I'm glad that the grocery store isn't terribly far away, because we have to walk. In a way I enjoy that part. It gets us out and doing something enjoyable in the nice fall weather. I just don't like feeling trapped because of gasoline prices. It could be worse though. We could be trapped in 20 feet of water. <sigh>

I went to my OB appointment yesterday and everything looks good. I've gained 10 pounds since my last visit though. She said the 5th month is when all the gaining happens anyway, so its alright. My non maternity shorts have been put away however, because they are just too hard to get on and off. The time of the big belly is here! The babys heartbeat was between 140-150 and she let Sierra hold the doppler and try to help. She measured my belly and said it was at about 21 weeks which is right on track. Reviewed the ultrasound findings, which showed a perfectly normal baby girl. =)

Choosing a middle name this time around is hard! We still haven't settled on one. We definatly know she will be named Piper, but have been keeping it a secret from most people because we've already heard quite a few negative comments about it. Thats always a bummer, telling people your babys name and hearing, "Oh, well thats interesting I guess." and "Wow. You don't hear that often."

My nights have been nightmare filled the past few nights. I feel rested, which is strange.. but the dreams don't sit well. Its funny how something that plays in your head while you sleep can have such an impact on the rest of your day.

Sierra starts school on the 6th. Only a few more days of vacation left for her. She's already not looking forward to school. I hear constantly, "Why can't you homeschool me like you're going to homeschool Ivy?" When she found out that the complusory age of attendence here wasn't until 7, she flipped out. "WHAT?? You mean I could have stayed home all these years?!"

Tired and Oh!

I should write tonight, but I am totally exhausted. Nothing terribly much going on. This is the week that my oldest daughter is here with me. Right before she starts school back up again. I know I've got to plan some days at the beach, and fun things before summer is all gone. I don't know about anyone else but I'm really looking forward to fall. The leaves, the crisp air.. ahh..its my favorite.

Oh! Did I mention that we had the ultrasound last week? Its a Girl! I'm really happy about it. Surprised, as I was thinking it was a boy.. but very very happy. Three girls! Yikes! Sierra was thrilled about watching the ultrasound, and even announced "Daddy! Its a girl!" We got a few pictures, and a video to take home.

I'm outta here.. sleep calls me. =)

Profound Thoughts #1

Standing too close to the karaoke machine while people are singing loudly and badly, gives me a headache.

Today Sucks

I'm absolutly sure today is the most hormonal I've ever been in my life. It started out bad from the very beginning. The phone woke me up this morning. My hubby didn't answer it because he was outside having a ciggarette. I struggled and finally managed to get off the futon to answer it. They hung up on me. And thus the start of a wonderful day!

We decided to go to the mall. Hubby and my cousin decided to go to the mall because they wanted to buy something. Did I mention that someone hit our car again the other day and we got some insurance money for it? Yes, I'm starting to think perhaps my "money altar" is in fact an "insurance scam altar." Where was I.. Oh yes. So, we get all ready to go. I shower and then bring the baby in to clean her up. As I'm getting dressed, the baby runs around the kitchen and gets into #1. My cousins deoderant he left out. Yummy! Now my daughter smells like Axe. #2. A cup of old coffee on the table. She dips paper into it, and then licks the paper and drips coffee all over her clean outfit I just put on her. #3 Finds the jar of peanut butter that hubby left out, open. Puts her whole hand and arm in the jar to eat it and stuff her face (and hair) with the nutty goodness. This all put me in a SUPER GREAT mood. She wasn't done yet though! As I'm getting on my shoes, she systematically throws EVERYTHING off the table! Bills. Gone! Pencil. Gone! Plate? Gone! Hand over hand she tosses everything to the floor. I should have just said "Screw it!" and stayed home right there.. but Nooooooo.

At the mall she decides she doesn't want to stay in the stroller. She screams. She kicks. I'm trying to look at a rack of clothes (for HER.. babies! So ungrateful sometimes.) Wonderful loving hubby says, "I'm going to the store across the way." and he pushes the stroller away from him towards where I'm standing. Just how am I supposed to pay for anything when him and his debit card are not there? And for that matter, how am I supposed to even think at all with her screaming at the top of her lungs? I left the store.

Fast forwards to about 20 other stores where the same thing happens. I try many times to just get away from dh and my cousin, but he follows me. Grrrr! I didn't want him behind me. I didn't want him saying, "Are you done yet?" I just wanted to be left alone! If I can't buy anything because I can't concentrate to look at things, the least he can do is let me putter around aimlessly while he focuses his hurried self somewhere else at things that interest HIM! (because obviously the things I'm looking at bore him to tears. If it doesn't go into an Xbox or a cd drive than he doesn't want it.)

My stomach was hungry. I thought maybe some pizza would make us feel better. We walk to the pizza place in the mall and I see the prices. I know I've been eating like a horse lately, so I suggest maybe Pizza Hut instead. I mean, for the price of 4 slices of pizza here.. we could get a whole pizza and a meal there. Ya know?

Well he didn't like that idea. He got grumpy at me. I walked out to sit in front of the store to calm down. Course dd is screaming, "Pizza!" and crying now. What does he do? He follows me out again! He makes a sarcastic comment about how "Mama said you can't have pizza baby cause its too expensive." Grrrrr... I go back in, buy one slice for her and sit down. She screams anyway because what she really wants is to go to sleep. (I already tried the carrier and nummies, but she just wanted to bite them instead.)

We try to salvage what is left of the afternoon. He ends up buying a game, and no matter what I go to buy... no one has it. Doesn't matter what it is! Simply can't find it, or the store doesn't have it. What luck I had today! Went to look for new sandles, and dh runs the stroller into the back of my heel my accident. I broke down into tears in the middle of Payless. I stood there for 5 minutes while people walked around me, just crying.

We finally left. The ride home was better, we were talking and laughing. Traffic was a bit heavy and I was kinda jumpy at his braking. (he doesn't brake til he gets right up on a car) A car moved out of our lane and he sped up a bit, but there was a car stopped in front of the other that we didn't see. He put the breaks on, I screamed. Then I bawled my eyes out for 10 minutes.

I can't tell you how many times I thought in my head today, "I just want to go home.". I don't know whether he was being an asshole more than usual, or if I was being super hormonal. I'm willing to bet it was a bit of both..