This babe has been turning around daily. During the day she's sleeping, and at night when I'm sitting and would love to relax, she turns around and starts jamming things into my ribcage on the right side. My ribs are so sore now. I know, this always happens in pregnancy but I was hoping that because she wasn't doing it, perhaps I'd get lucky this time? (stop laughing at me) Unfortunatly she is kicking, poking, proding, and generally making my right side very uncomfortable. But at least she's moving.
Earlier today I started to get that panicky feeling because I hadn't felt her move nearly all day. I even tried laying down and changing positions, etc.. and she wasn't moving. Finally I just starting trying to move her with my hands. After about 10 minutes of me manipulating the bulge in front of me she finally started kicking me back. Relief soon turned to pain, because she hasn't stopped moving since. Still I am relieved.
Tomorrow I go for my third ultrasound to make sure things are okay in there. They think the baby might be growing a bit too fast and too much. They want to know how big she is now, how much fluid is in there, and how well my placenta is working. Since I'm measuring 2 weeks over still, I think they're thinking I might be further along than they first thought. We'll also get to see and make sure its still a girl we're having. I really hope so because I have no gender neutral clothes. People just don't seem to give them to us, only "pink" and "purple".
I'll update tomorrow on the condition of my uterus. ;-)
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Other Women Suck Monkey Balls
Why do other women feel the need to be "concerned" about my husband? Why do they talk to him nonstop until I step into the room, or until I login? As soon as I do, they stop talking. Like they were talking innapropriately or something. They aren't, because I was sitting there the whole time. I could hear everything that was said. Yet these women want to make me think they are flirting. I guess my husband forgot the memo on that one! He's as perplexed as I am about the situation.
The woman online who was all up his ass for two weeks, and he addmittedly was grouping and talking with her because he was up late with insomnia and she was there... suddenly has started acting strange. I started talking with her and we both grouped with her. (we're talking about a roleplaying game online if you don't undertand. Everquest 2) She was a complete and total flake! Everything that usually annoys the both of us about other people in a group- SHE DID! Started to make me wonder why he ever wanted to group with her in the first place! He tells me she wasn't like this before. So why now? Is she trying to drive me away so she can go back to having him to herself? As a test, I logged out. Dh logged in another character. Immediatly she sent him a tell asking him questions. "How are things with your wife?" "Whats going on at home?" Strange things like that. He says he doesn't know why she's fishing so bad. He blew her off and logged out pretty discusted. Seems she only wants to talk to him and be a normal person when I'm offline. Hmmm... Very interesting.
I've come to the conclusion that I hate other women. Sure, it might be that I'm pregnant and cranky..but ya know what? Who fucking cares?! My territory. My life. My man. Back off.
The woman online who was all up his ass for two weeks, and he addmittedly was grouping and talking with her because he was up late with insomnia and she was there... suddenly has started acting strange. I started talking with her and we both grouped with her. (we're talking about a roleplaying game online if you don't undertand. Everquest 2) She was a complete and total flake! Everything that usually annoys the both of us about other people in a group- SHE DID! Started to make me wonder why he ever wanted to group with her in the first place! He tells me she wasn't like this before. So why now? Is she trying to drive me away so she can go back to having him to herself? As a test, I logged out. Dh logged in another character. Immediatly she sent him a tell asking him questions. "How are things with your wife?" "Whats going on at home?" Strange things like that. He says he doesn't know why she's fishing so bad. He blew her off and logged out pretty discusted. Seems she only wants to talk to him and be a normal person when I'm offline. Hmmm... Very interesting.
I've come to the conclusion that I hate other women. Sure, it might be that I'm pregnant and cranky..but ya know what? Who fucking cares?! My territory. My life. My man. Back off.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Pregnancy Ticker
I am so tired of doing the math every day to remember how far along I am and how much further I have to do. I hereby do submit to the pregnancy ticker. They say I can put it on my desktop but I'm not sure how, so I'll just put it here.
I had my 30 week appointment the other day and just as I thought, I've gained another 5 pounds. I'm also measuring 2 weeks ahead instead of only 1 now. So, we get another ultrasound! Which of course is making everyone else happy, and secretly me because I'm scared they didn't get the sex correct. One more crotch shot could only reassure me at this point! They are concerned because the baby seems to be very big at this point, with still another 2 months to go. They want to check the bloodflow to the placenta and see the babys position. I think she is still transverse, and occasionally breech. I'd be surprised to hear head down at this point because the kicks are still very low. I think I get elbowed in the belly button more than kicked there.
My grand total weight gain so far has been about 35 pounds. And yes, with 2 months to go I'm sure I will gain a lot more. Not much I can do about it though. I'm excerisizing and eating normally. They have me on thyroid medication, iron supplements, and Priolosec for acid reflux. They redid my bloodwork the other day but I haven't heard back yet.
The good news is that there are only 2 OB's at the practice now. The one I saw for the most appointments, whom I keep waiting to see again... has left! I guess I can stop waiting huh? There only remains the woman who made me feel like shit because I gained 10 pounds, and another woman who I like a lot! (why is it always that way?) She's the one who suggested an ultrasound and stressed to me that they are concerned about my weight because of the baby and not because of me. They are wondering how big this baby is, or how much fluid I have, etc.. not that I'm just a huge fat whale. Thats a relief! So, we go for another ultrasound next week and hopefully all is well.
Things here at home have been.. rough. Much much better now, but for the past two weeks dh and I have been fighting horribly. Not physical throw-you-down-on-the-floor fighting, but the angry hateful kind. He's been ignoring me, and talking online to other girls.. and I'm pregnant, hormonal and insecure. Not a good combination! It was a difficult two weeks and I honestly wasn't sure we'd make it through, but we did.
Well, I'm off to see if Everquest 2's new patch made things better or worse. More later!
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Monday, October 31, 2005
Blessed Samhain!
I've been dealing with a lot of issues surrounding friends lately, as you could probably tell by a few of my entries. Yesterday I had finally come to a place where I was accepting that a current friendship I had was over. I've never been one to let go easily when its something emotional. I decided though that Samhain was a good time to let go of the old and mourn the death of the friendship I once had. One of the reasons I changed my blog address was because I needed to write about all of this. I needed to process it and try to figure out where things went wrong. Unfortunately this friend was the only person in my real life world that knew where my blog was. I trusted her that much, and only her. So without a place to talk about it I was going crazy. The only way I could remedy that was to move my blog and start semi-fresh.
Here is a rundown of the facts:
1. I had a best friend and we talked every day.
2. She started to not talk to me as much and I missed her. I wrote about it in my blog and she responded, but nothing seemed to change.
3. I saw that she was spending a lot of time with another friend of hers and was feeling even more left out. I just missed her and wondered what had happened to our close friendship.
4. I didn't think that she wanted to remain friends with me anymore and I was confused as to what I had done to make her dislike me.
5. My friend J. started talking to me 4 days ago asking about what was up between my friend and I and why we were not as close. I cried to her saying I didn't know.
6. J. went to my friend and told her that I hated her and that I was jealous of her other friend. She said a lot of other mean things that I *never* once even thought. She consoled me when I cried telling me I didn't need my friend. She consoled my friend telling her she didn't need me.
7. My friend thought that I hated her, so she posted a huge "Dear John" letter on her live journal that all our friends could see. It didn't say many good things about me. I finally couldn't take it anymore and sent her an IM message saying that there were other ways she could have talked to me about this.
After many weeks of near silence, my friend and I talked. We talked on the phone until 5am. I lost a full nights sleep (as did my daughter who decided to wake up halfway through my phone call and pretend it was time for morning). Within the first few minutes of talking we had realized what happened. We had a mutual friend named J. that had been running between the both of us telling us things about the other one. J. really played my friend badly. I wasn't as hurt in the whole thing because I was already convinced my friend didn't want to be friends anymore. I was simply trying to understand and move on.
Now J. is pissed. She's been IMing and calling me all day leaving messages. Eventually they will start to get more and more cruel. Did I call this person a friend before? I didn't mean that. She is more like someone that I tried to be friends with, but found out I just couldn't deal with how she was...so we're, sorta friends. But I will never trust her again, so technically.. not really friends. (confused?)
My friend and I are completely fine now. There was never any jealousy. Never any hatred. Only confusion and sadness at a friendship we both thought was over because we both thought that the other hated us.
Its been a long day, but I'm glad that this friendship isn't over. Its been an even harder few months with this looming on the horizon. I feel bad that J. has to cause drama like this, and even more puzzling is why? Some have called her a psychic vamp. Feeding off the misfortune and negative emotions of others in the chaos she causes. I don't want to believe that.. but I'm left with no choice anymore. She has done this to too many different people, and too many times.
I wish everyone a very Blessed Samhain and hope that no matter what skeletons you have in your closet, or what demons you're facing.. that you'll be able to greet the light in the morning with a renewed spirit. Light a candle and think about those who have passed before you and those aspects of yourself that you wish to cast away. The nights are getting darker and colder as the winter season closes in. Embrace that darkness. And give your closest friends a call, or a hug and let them know you care.
Here is a rundown of the facts:
1. I had a best friend and we talked every day.
2. She started to not talk to me as much and I missed her. I wrote about it in my blog and she responded, but nothing seemed to change.
3. I saw that she was spending a lot of time with another friend of hers and was feeling even more left out. I just missed her and wondered what had happened to our close friendship.
4. I didn't think that she wanted to remain friends with me anymore and I was confused as to what I had done to make her dislike me.
5. My friend J. started talking to me 4 days ago asking about what was up between my friend and I and why we were not as close. I cried to her saying I didn't know.
6. J. went to my friend and told her that I hated her and that I was jealous of her other friend. She said a lot of other mean things that I *never* once even thought. She consoled me when I cried telling me I didn't need my friend. She consoled my friend telling her she didn't need me.
7. My friend thought that I hated her, so she posted a huge "Dear John" letter on her live journal that all our friends could see. It didn't say many good things about me. I finally couldn't take it anymore and sent her an IM message saying that there were other ways she could have talked to me about this.
After many weeks of near silence, my friend and I talked. We talked on the phone until 5am. I lost a full nights sleep (as did my daughter who decided to wake up halfway through my phone call and pretend it was time for morning). Within the first few minutes of talking we had realized what happened. We had a mutual friend named J. that had been running between the both of us telling us things about the other one. J. really played my friend badly. I wasn't as hurt in the whole thing because I was already convinced my friend didn't want to be friends anymore. I was simply trying to understand and move on.
Now J. is pissed. She's been IMing and calling me all day leaving messages. Eventually they will start to get more and more cruel. Did I call this person a friend before? I didn't mean that. She is more like someone that I tried to be friends with, but found out I just couldn't deal with how she was...so we're, sorta friends. But I will never trust her again, so technically.. not really friends. (confused?)
My friend and I are completely fine now. There was never any jealousy. Never any hatred. Only confusion and sadness at a friendship we both thought was over because we both thought that the other hated us.
Its been a long day, but I'm glad that this friendship isn't over. Its been an even harder few months with this looming on the horizon. I feel bad that J. has to cause drama like this, and even more puzzling is why? Some have called her a psychic vamp. Feeding off the misfortune and negative emotions of others in the chaos she causes. I don't want to believe that.. but I'm left with no choice anymore. She has done this to too many different people, and too many times.
I wish everyone a very Blessed Samhain and hope that no matter what skeletons you have in your closet, or what demons you're facing.. that you'll be able to greet the light in the morning with a renewed spirit. Light a candle and think about those who have passed before you and those aspects of yourself that you wish to cast away. The nights are getting darker and colder as the winter season closes in. Embrace that darkness. And give your closest friends a call, or a hug and let them know you care.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Yup..pretty much
You fit in with: Spiritualism Your ideals are mostly spiritual, but in an individualistic way. While spirituality is very important in your life, organized religion itself may not be for you. It is best for you to seek these things on your own terms. 60% spiritual. 80% reason-oriented. | ||||
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Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com |
Monday, October 24, 2005
Attention pretty please
I'll be changing my blog address soon, so please send me an email at xxxxxxx if you'd like the new address. I don't want to ditch any of my loyal readers, just shake a few others loose. ;-) Thanks!
Friday, October 21, 2005
Solitary
Not much has been happening the past few weeks. I haven't gone to any rituals lately, or any get togethers. Just been keeping my doctor appointments and staying home. A few times I went over to Shannons to work on a cloak for Sierra. Its coming out pretty good I think. We have a really neat idea to make the inside a patchwork collection instead of a solid liner. It started out because we were really short on fabric, but I think it'll make a really neat cloak for her. Hopefully it will fit her for at least a year or two because we made it in a larger (read: longer) size. The outside of it is a fushia color. I think she'll really like it. Now! We have to finish it before Samhain like we planned. Shannon broke her ankle the other day, so now she'll be housebound and be forced to finish it. My evil plan worked! Muwahahahaha! No, I didn't really make her break it. She tripped on the porch because she was in a hurry and being clutzy. ;-)
My chiropractor finally got me a support belt today. I can't say its helping, but I'm trying to give it a few days before the wrath of my judgement sets in. So far its uncomfortable as all hell, and really isn't helping with my pain.
My OB cancelled my last appointment which was supposed to be my glucose check. Its been rescheduled for next week so I can hopefully get that one out of the way. Then its back to the doctor every 2 weeks! I can't believe that there is only 10 more weeks or so until this baby is born. It seems like just a few days ago that I was dancing around the Maypole with the suspicion that I might be pregnant.
A few unexpected bills made this month really tight, so I don't foresee us going anywhere until November. We'll be going trick or treating with the girls (or maybe just one of them depending on scheduling) but I think thats it. I haven't heard if the Haunted House that is usually in town will be here or not, so that might not happen. There is a pumpkin festival in town that we might head to because its free and close by. Hopefully that will be enough to get everyone their Samhain fix for the year. Sierra is planning on dressing up as a witch again (with her new cloak maybe!) and Ivy will be Tigger. I had bought her a witch costume too, but with the chilly weather decided to return it and just use the Tigger costume from when Sierra was little. It fits her well and looks really cute.
I think we've just about gotten everything we need for Piper now. A few people came through with lots of 0-3 month size clothes, and I even got a cute little pair of Robeez for her. Initially I really wanted to cloth diaper this time around, and I do still plan on trying it... but I'm not sure with everything else I do around here by myself, if it is really reasonable to think I can handle doing that too. I mean, if I got housework help.. sure. But I'll be tandem nursing two children, handling all the housework, cooking, etc... I'm not sure if I'll have it in me to CD at the same time. Either way, I have some prefolds to try with.. and I'll have 'sposies that I can use as well. Ya gotta start somewhere right? The only thing I need to get now is a new carseat with a 5 point restraint, and a double stroller. I'd love to get a girly style this time instead of the typical navy blue I got with the girls. (don't ask me why we got navy blue) Britax makes a really awesome one that is yellow with pink flowers that I want to get her too. We'll have to wait until we get some more money saved up though as they're pretty expensive. For now I'll have to settle for a typical baby bucket carseat. I'll need a bunting of some sort as well, and they have one at Walmart that I'll probably pick up. A cute pink fleece Pooh one that just has the hole for the carseat strap there and no legs. Meant for an infant.
I guess thats about it. As you can see, not too much to update about. I've been feeling pretty secluded and friendless lately. Shannon has come over a few times to cheer me up as it seems she's feeling the same way. So much going on for her and yet none of her friends call her either. I guess its impossible to have friends if you A. dont have a car or B. don't have enough gas money to travel all the time. Seems to be why I lose mine so much! Oh well. Distance shouldn't matter with real friends anyway the way I see it.
Yup, this quiz pretty much fits I think.
You were betrayed. You were betrayed by someone
very close to you in a past life and you have
still never forgotten it. Either you were
killed by a best friend or ratted out by one,
but it still hurt you very deeply and you don't
trust hardly anyone anymore.
How did you die in your past life? (for everyone)
brought to you by Quizilla
My chiropractor finally got me a support belt today. I can't say its helping, but I'm trying to give it a few days before the wrath of my judgement sets in. So far its uncomfortable as all hell, and really isn't helping with my pain.
My OB cancelled my last appointment which was supposed to be my glucose check. Its been rescheduled for next week so I can hopefully get that one out of the way. Then its back to the doctor every 2 weeks! I can't believe that there is only 10 more weeks or so until this baby is born. It seems like just a few days ago that I was dancing around the Maypole with the suspicion that I might be pregnant.
A few unexpected bills made this month really tight, so I don't foresee us going anywhere until November. We'll be going trick or treating with the girls (or maybe just one of them depending on scheduling) but I think thats it. I haven't heard if the Haunted House that is usually in town will be here or not, so that might not happen. There is a pumpkin festival in town that we might head to because its free and close by. Hopefully that will be enough to get everyone their Samhain fix for the year. Sierra is planning on dressing up as a witch again (with her new cloak maybe!) and Ivy will be Tigger. I had bought her a witch costume too, but with the chilly weather decided to return it and just use the Tigger costume from when Sierra was little. It fits her well and looks really cute.
I think we've just about gotten everything we need for Piper now. A few people came through with lots of 0-3 month size clothes, and I even got a cute little pair of Robeez for her. Initially I really wanted to cloth diaper this time around, and I do still plan on trying it... but I'm not sure with everything else I do around here by myself, if it is really reasonable to think I can handle doing that too. I mean, if I got housework help.. sure. But I'll be tandem nursing two children, handling all the housework, cooking, etc... I'm not sure if I'll have it in me to CD at the same time. Either way, I have some prefolds to try with.. and I'll have 'sposies that I can use as well. Ya gotta start somewhere right? The only thing I need to get now is a new carseat with a 5 point restraint, and a double stroller. I'd love to get a girly style this time instead of the typical navy blue I got with the girls. (don't ask me why we got navy blue) Britax makes a really awesome one that is yellow with pink flowers that I want to get her too. We'll have to wait until we get some more money saved up though as they're pretty expensive. For now I'll have to settle for a typical baby bucket carseat. I'll need a bunting of some sort as well, and they have one at Walmart that I'll probably pick up. A cute pink fleece Pooh one that just has the hole for the carseat strap there and no legs. Meant for an infant.
I guess thats about it. As you can see, not too much to update about. I've been feeling pretty secluded and friendless lately. Shannon has come over a few times to cheer me up as it seems she's feeling the same way. So much going on for her and yet none of her friends call her either. I guess its impossible to have friends if you A. dont have a car or B. don't have enough gas money to travel all the time. Seems to be why I lose mine so much! Oh well. Distance shouldn't matter with real friends anyway the way I see it.
Yup, this quiz pretty much fits I think.
You were betrayed. You were betrayed by someone
very close to you in a past life and you have
still never forgotten it. Either you were
killed by a best friend or ratted out by one,
but it still hurt you very deeply and you don't
trust hardly anyone anymore.
How did you die in your past life? (for everyone)
brought to you by Quizilla
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Deja Vu
I've been feeling a bit depressed lately. Usually when I feel that way I'm not sure why, but this time I do. I'm feeling a major lack of connection from my friends. I'm quite sure that I haven't done anything to make a gap, but its there anyway. Oddly enough, when I was pregnant with Ivy the same thing happened. The further along I got, the more my friends seemed to find other things to do. I know its only natural to look inward more when you come closer to giving birth, but why should that mean that your friends turn away? Or maybe it doesn't happen to others, but only me?
I'm not really sure what to think anymore. Yes, I know its possible I'm just hormonal and sensitive, but.. I've been left out of the loop again. Email lists talk about things and I have no idea what they're referencing, almost feeling like the unpopular girl left out in high school again. Dinner parties and get togethers get talked about among everyone, yet I wasn't invited again. And really, its not that I haven't had an invitation to visit anyone in awhile...but more that no one is talking to me. No phone calls or IM's for quite awhile. And all this, just when I thought I had finally found a few solid friends. Its been weeks since anyone has really contacted me. I try, but it seems they are either always busy.. or just don't have time for me. Either way, it hurts and I've been increasingly getting more depressed about it as time goes on. I shouldn't let it bother me I guess. Its happened before. Friends come and go, and sooner or later I always end up feeling replaced by someone else. I just wish I knew why.
Instinct tells me that its something I'm doing wrong, yet I can't seem to think of anything. I try to be there as a friend. I try my hardest to be available and be kind. I guess I've just never had much luck being friends with other women, because no matter how promising friendships seem... they always peter out and I'm left with nothing again.
I'm not really sure what to think anymore. Yes, I know its possible I'm just hormonal and sensitive, but.. I've been left out of the loop again. Email lists talk about things and I have no idea what they're referencing, almost feeling like the unpopular girl left out in high school again. Dinner parties and get togethers get talked about among everyone, yet I wasn't invited again. And really, its not that I haven't had an invitation to visit anyone in awhile...but more that no one is talking to me. No phone calls or IM's for quite awhile. And all this, just when I thought I had finally found a few solid friends. Its been weeks since anyone has really contacted me. I try, but it seems they are either always busy.. or just don't have time for me. Either way, it hurts and I've been increasingly getting more depressed about it as time goes on. I shouldn't let it bother me I guess. Its happened before. Friends come and go, and sooner or later I always end up feeling replaced by someone else. I just wish I knew why.
Instinct tells me that its something I'm doing wrong, yet I can't seem to think of anything. I try to be there as a friend. I try my hardest to be available and be kind. I guess I've just never had much luck being friends with other women, because no matter how promising friendships seem... they always peter out and I'm left with nothing again.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Pagan Pride Day
My girls dancing to the music from the drumming circle at Pagan Pride Day. All the kids got handmade magic wands to take home after the Harry Potter dress up contest. My girls didn't participate in the contest, but they were right there to snatch up the extra wands afterwards!This years Pagan Pride Day went much better than last years, but hopefully I'd like to see them use more outdoor space. See all that grass behind the girls? It could have been used for venders, or rituals, or anything! Yet it was mostly just used for people to sit their butts on. (not that I'm complaining, I love to sit on grass!) The venders and almost all of the people hosting events were inside the building and it was pretty cramped. I opted not to go to a few of them because I wouldn't have been able to fit the stroller in there!
All in all, we had a good time. Even if my hormonal pregnant self had a few minor breakdowns during the day. The girls obviously had a great time once the drumming started up! We were all pretty tired, so we decided to leave a bit early. We missed the final ritual, but I heard it went off well.
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