Well..

So far its been 2 1/2 days and nothing has happened on its own. No cramping, no bleeding, nothing. Its very frusterating to say the least. To know that everything is over, yet in some respects hasn't even begun! I thought I could wait out a natural m/c but I don't think that I can. On Monday I'm going to contact the doctor and schedule a D&C. He told me that they would put me completly out for it this time. The last time I was awake and could hear everything.. it wasn't pleasant. This time I'll be totally out.

For the most part there have been no more tears. Not to say I'm "over it" but I think I've dealt with it well. Now I just need to move on with my life, whatever happens.

My husband and I decided that it was a boy, though we will never know for sure because there won't be any chromosome testing done. So I've named him Justin, because thats the name that kept popping into my head since I found out.

Same story same dance..

My OB appointment was today. We were supposed to hear the babys heartbeat, but the doctor couldn't find it. He said not to worry and just come back in a week and try again. I told him that I wasn't satisfied with that, and I wanted an ultrasound. After waiting around at the hospital, I got an ultrasound that confirmed the existance of the yolk sac, but no baby was inside. Same story, same dance...

So now I'm just waiting for it to misscarry on its own. They estimate the baby died around 7 weeks. I bought a big bag of pads, and I guess I spend the holiday season waiting...

This really stinks, and I'm heartbroken over it. It doesn't get easier the second time, trust me.
I'm trying to pretend that I'm not upset, but I can't help it. The tears just come anyway.

Luckily I hadn't told many people yet, so there were not many to "un tell".. I guess I had a feeling it would turn out this way after all.

Saying goodbye to my July 4th baby will be hard. Dreams that you make of the future don't disapear easily.