The Challenge

I'm going to try to push myself a bit here in the next few weeks or months. I'm doing what I affectionately call, "an experiment." And really it is. I got to thinking the other day, while I was in the shower. Sierra came in while I was shaving and said, "Mama? Why do you shave your legs?" I stumbled, stuttered and finally settled on, "because its just something girls do." It satisfied her, though she gave me a funny look. Then I realized what I had just done. I just told her that girls had to shave, "just because." And the sad thing is, I don't have a reason! As girls, are we taught that its right to shave? Proper? Unclean if we don't? I know for myself, I wanted to be like all the other girls I saw. I didn't want my legs hairy anymore because the other girls laughed at me. And of course, the underarm hair was next to go. It was years before I touched sissors or a razor to my pubic area. But boyfriends all made comments if I was stubbly at all anywhere. "Don't you think its time to shave!" and "Look who's got 5 o'clock shadow!"

Fast forward to today. I'm a grown woman who shaves because society says I must. Because people look at women who are hairy in disgust and horror. I'm glad to say that I am married to a man who loves me even when I'm all covered in stubble. Being hairy hasn't ever bothered him. So why, I ask myself... do I still shave? Conditioning? Habit? There isn't any personal reason why. I mean, sure being smooth feels nice. But for me that feeling smooth thing doesn't last more than a few hours. My hair growth is fast! And time? Who has time to shave every single day?! I sure don't with two kids.

And then there's the message that I'm sending to my daughter. The big ole double standard message. Yes, hair is beautiful but only when its on your head. Yes, men don't shave but women should. Why don't I just force her to play with dolls, and never wear pants?! That's NOT the type of mother I am!

So the challenge that I've given myself, is to not shave. Not my legs or my underarms. Who knows how long I can do it, but I am giving myself permission to still trim the pubic area and trimming in general is okay. I will even still pluck the one single stray "wisdom" hair that grows on my chin. But taking time out of my busy day, just to remain hairless will not happen anymore. Spring is approaching. Its getting warmer out. Can I withstand peoples looks? Will anyone even care? Have I made more out of it than it really is? Perhaps no one even cares about leg hair anymore. Or maybe its the underarm hair that will get the most looks. Either way, I thought long and hard about who I am as a person and a mother... and I didn't like the answer I gave my daughter. The next time she looks at my hairy legs, I hope to be able to tell her how much nicer it is to NOT shave. I want to share stories with her about how women long ago didn't shave and it was considered beautiful and mature. I want to create a positive role model for her. Not one wrapped up in arbitrary rules that society has laid out for us.

I've always marched to the beat of a slightly different drummer, but I never realized just how crunchy I really am until now. And it feels good. :-) I've never found a message board online that really felt "like home" until the other day. This one is definitely it.

The Sickies

Yes, we are all sick. No no..not sick in the head. Well, okay maybe just a little. But I was referring to the hacking cough and the fevers. The migrains and the stiff necks. Yes, the whole family now has what my kids call, "The Sickies." Do you hear the sound of impending doom? Yup, those are the sickies. They might get you next you know...

So thats my reason for not updating lately. Alright! Fine! Of course I haven't been sick the whole month, but I've been really busy.

First, the car needs to be registered and inspected at the end of this month. The muffler is busted and needs to be replaced. We find out the muffler is a special one for California Emissions testing and it will cost over 800 dollars to fix it. Oh bummer. Then we find out its covered by warrenty still. Yay! Then we have it looked at again and find out that that "particular piece" isn't covered at all. Oh bummer. It will cost over 400 to fix it. Bummer again. So instead of trying to find the money to fix it, that we don't have... we found someone who would take the car for a trade in. The day before we went to trade the car in, my neighbor who I do not get along with backs into my car! Bummer or Yay? Turns out its a Yay! We traded the car in for a much better one. Its a 97 Pontiac Grand Prix so its much bigger than the little one we had. Everyone is so comfy in it! And the insurance agency calls and tells me they send out a check for 300 for hitting my car! The one I already traded in!

Many candles lit later, it all has worked out. For weeks I was pretty worried honestly. I just can't be without a car. Granted I don't drive it much myself, but I have to pick up my daughter every week. I NEED it.

So now we have a car, and Sierra was here for the week. I thought we might get to do some fun things. Course money is tight because we just spent the rest we had for the month on the car! Turns out we didn't need it anyway because Sierra gets sick only a day after she gets here. She got the flu. I somehow managed to get through the week with two sick kids, while feeling like crap myself.

As far as the doula business... I think I've almost lost count. I'm pretty sure its 12 births so far. Though my brain is starting to get foggy and run them all together.

Well, I gotta get something to drink... hot chocolate..that sounds good. Buckling down for the storm we're getting again tonight!

Oooh! The mail came! Guess what I got? The check from the insurance! Yay!