Solitary

Not much has been happening the past few weeks. I haven't gone to any rituals lately, or any get togethers. Just been keeping my doctor appointments and staying home. A few times I went over to Shannons to work on a cloak for Sierra. Its coming out pretty good I think. We have a really neat idea to make the inside a patchwork collection instead of a solid liner. It started out because we were really short on fabric, but I think it'll make a really neat cloak for her. Hopefully it will fit her for at least a year or two because we made it in a larger (read: longer) size. The outside of it is a fushia color. I think she'll really like it. Now! We have to finish it before Samhain like we planned. Shannon broke her ankle the other day, so now she'll be housebound and be forced to finish it. My evil plan worked! Muwahahahaha! No, I didn't really make her break it. She tripped on the porch because she was in a hurry and being clutzy. ;-)

My chiropractor finally got me a support belt today. I can't say its helping, but I'm trying to give it a few days before the wrath of my judgement sets in. So far its uncomfortable as all hell, and really isn't helping with my pain.

My OB cancelled my last appointment which was supposed to be my glucose check. Its been rescheduled for next week so I can hopefully get that one out of the way. Then its back to the doctor every 2 weeks! I can't believe that there is only 10 more weeks or so until this baby is born. It seems like just a few days ago that I was dancing around the Maypole with the suspicion that I might be pregnant.

A few unexpected bills made this month really tight, so I don't foresee us going anywhere until November. We'll be going trick or treating with the girls (or maybe just one of them depending on scheduling) but I think thats it. I haven't heard if the Haunted House that is usually in town will be here or not, so that might not happen. There is a pumpkin festival in town that we might head to because its free and close by. Hopefully that will be enough to get everyone their Samhain fix for the year. Sierra is planning on dressing up as a witch again (with her new cloak maybe!) and Ivy will be Tigger. I had bought her a witch costume too, but with the chilly weather decided to return it and just use the Tigger costume from when Sierra was little. It fits her well and looks really cute.

I think we've just about gotten everything we need for Piper now. A few people came through with lots of 0-3 month size clothes, and I even got a cute little pair of Robeez for her. Initially I really wanted to cloth diaper this time around, and I do still plan on trying it... but I'm not sure with everything else I do around here by myself, if it is really reasonable to think I can handle doing that too. I mean, if I got housework help.. sure. But I'll be tandem nursing two children, handling all the housework, cooking, etc... I'm not sure if I'll have it in me to CD at the same time. Either way, I have some prefolds to try with.. and I'll have 'sposies that I can use as well. Ya gotta start somewhere right? The only thing I need to get now is a new carseat with a 5 point restraint, and a double stroller. I'd love to get a girly style this time instead of the typical navy blue I got with the girls. (don't ask me why we got navy blue) Britax makes a really awesome one that is yellow with pink flowers that I want to get her too. We'll have to wait until we get some more money saved up though as they're pretty expensive. For now I'll have to settle for a typical baby bucket carseat. I'll need a bunting of some sort as well, and they have one at Walmart that I'll probably pick up. A cute pink fleece Pooh one that just has the hole for the carseat strap there and no legs. Meant for an infant.

I guess thats about it. As you can see, not too much to update about. I've been feeling pretty secluded and friendless lately. Shannon has come over a few times to cheer me up as it seems she's feeling the same way. So much going on for her and yet none of her friends call her either. I guess its impossible to have friends if you A. dont have a car or B. don't have enough gas money to travel all the time. Seems to be why I lose mine so much! Oh well. Distance shouldn't matter with real friends anyway the way I see it.



Yup, this quiz pretty much fits I think.



You were betrayed. You were betrayed by someone
very close to you in a past life and you have
still never forgotten it. Either you were
killed by a best friend or ratted out by one,
but it still hurt you very deeply and you don't
trust hardly anyone anymore.


How did you die in your past life? (for everyone)
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Deja Vu

I've been feeling a bit depressed lately. Usually when I feel that way I'm not sure why, but this time I do. I'm feeling a major lack of connection from my friends. I'm quite sure that I haven't done anything to make a gap, but its there anyway. Oddly enough, when I was pregnant with Ivy the same thing happened. The further along I got, the more my friends seemed to find other things to do. I know its only natural to look inward more when you come closer to giving birth, but why should that mean that your friends turn away? Or maybe it doesn't happen to others, but only me?

I'm not really sure what to think anymore. Yes, I know its possible I'm just hormonal and sensitive, but.. I've been left out of the loop again. Email lists talk about things and I have no idea what they're referencing, almost feeling like the unpopular girl left out in high school again. Dinner parties and get togethers get talked about among everyone, yet I wasn't invited again. And really, its not that I haven't had an invitation to visit anyone in awhile...but more that no one is talking to me. No phone calls or IM's for quite awhile. And all this, just when I thought I had finally found a few solid friends. Its been weeks since anyone has really contacted me. I try, but it seems they are either always busy.. or just don't have time for me. Either way, it hurts and I've been increasingly getting more depressed about it as time goes on. I shouldn't let it bother me I guess. Its happened before. Friends come and go, and sooner or later I always end up feeling replaced by someone else. I just wish I knew why.

Instinct tells me that its something I'm doing wrong, yet I can't seem to think of anything. I try to be there as a friend. I try my hardest to be available and be kind. I guess I've just never had much luck being friends with other women, because no matter how promising friendships seem... they always peter out and I'm left with nothing again.