It was really late last night when I got an IM from the midwife. Apparently she was bragging about me to some of her midwife friends and one of them asked to borrow her " internet doula." I guess she had a really young client that could benefit from some support. I told her if she wanted to pass my contact info out she could.
Turns out the girl was in labor right then and they wanted me to help her.
I wanted to. Goddess knows I did. It was almost 3am, the baby was crying, I was still exhausted, and there was no way my husband was feeling well enough to deal with the baby at that hour on his own. To add to the chaos, the DSL kept going out because of the storm we were having.
So I told her I couldn't do it. She assured me it was okay, and that life happens.
Never before have I felt that guilty for not being able to help someone else. I wanted to be able to help that girl have a better birth experience than she most likely got. I'm still not sure I made the right choice a day later. The problem with this is, there's simply not enough of me to go around.
I love this job. Don't get me wrong. It's just been so many years since I've had a job where I'm not just "Mama." I've been having trouble keeping up with the housework, because I've been so tired. Part of the issue I think is that I'm on call instead of having a 9-5 job. And lately there has been no warning whatsoever. The other day I got up, didn't even have a chance to get dressed and *BUZZ!* When it was all over it was just about time to go to bed again. I didn't even have a moment to get something to eat the whole day.
So obviously I need to get some things organized. I need to eat. I need to shower. I need to pee occasionally. Lately there hasn't been a time where I'm noton call. That's also hard to deal with. Its been 3 babies this week alone! Thats a lot of time spent in front of the computer committed to helping. The women though... they are so grateful! I would never willingly just give this up. Its too special and too important. I've just got to prioritize and streamline. That's all. I can do this. I want to make a difference in other peoples lives.
Tell me I don't sound like a cheap self-help book? Please? lol
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Doula Gone Wild!
And baby number 5 is a ...GIRL!
I got up yesterday thinking that I really needed to rest today. The flu that Ivy has finally got to the rest of us. dh feels like crap. I feel like crap..and go figure.. Ivy is feeling better. I'm not sure if that's better or worse! lol
So I sit down at the computer like I do every morning with my coffee (cause I have no life) and one of the moms IM's me. She's not due for another 3 weeks but she's been having pains she says. This girl is 16 years old and stubborn as hell. It was hard to talk with her because she has this shell she puts up so people think she's tough. She would have sat there all night on the IM telling me she's fine when she wasn't. So I had to do a little detective work. Asking her how she was, and then reading into her responses. She was having contractions, but the thing is.. we were trying to tell whether they were Braxton Hicks or if they were early labor contractions. She can't tell. I'm not there. The midwife is over an hour away. Finally I email the midwife and tell her that my gut says this girl is in early labor. Her contractions were in her lower back and not so much in the front. That to me says "labor!".
The midwife writes back for me to find out if she's in pain or not. This is not an easy thing, for reasons I've already stated. First I decide to breathe with the girl through a contraction. I acted how I thought she would be acting really, not how she *says* the pain is. She maintained that the pain was only a 2 on a scale of 1-10.. but that my breathing with her did help. (clue) I told her that I thought the pain was more a 3 or 4. She said, "Okay." (clue) As more time passed she got more quiet in her messages to me. They came more infrequent, and never during a contraction. First 7 minutes apart, and now down to 3 minutes apart. This was defiantly the real thing. I emailed the midwife and told her to head on over. About an hour 1/2 later the girls water broke, just minutes before the midwife showed up. Shortly afterwards she was pushing. It was a long 2 hours of pushing. (for both of us) My husband also had a long day because he had to take Ivy into the other room to play. (over the gate) because she was being an attention hog. Its hard to push and breathe when a baby is climbing in your lap.
Finally the baby's head was born. We pushed together for about 15 minutes. Way too long for just the body to come out. The midwife said the shoulders were stuck. Things started getting frantic, and they were trying to get the mom to put her fingers in her vagina at the bottom and pull down while she was pushing. The students (in training) would push on the moms belly, and the midwife would try to corkscrew the baby around so the shoulder would get unstuck. The mom wasn't doing it, so I had to show her how. Quick second thinking in a moment of an emergency, and I didn't have to think twice. Now my boobs have been on the camera before, showing new moms how to breastfeed, but never anything else...ya know? I do my "birthing" in a long tee-shirt and undies. But I whipped the undies to the side and showed the mom how to put her fingers there and push at the same time. Luckily the baby was out in one long push! I was a bit worried, because I know it needed medical attention just to be sure.
The midwife wrote me this morning and told me the baby is absolutely fine and it was a great job. That's boys=1 and girls=4 Girls in the lead! ;-)
Now, I am totally feeling like shit. The flu has hit me hard and I'm hoping I'll have a few days to get better before the next one. I cannot believe I've helped deliver 3 babies in less than a week! THREE!! That just blows me away. If this keeps up I'm going to need an office with a birthing bed in it! Hahah! That would look kinda funny. lol
I got up yesterday thinking that I really needed to rest today. The flu that Ivy has finally got to the rest of us. dh feels like crap. I feel like crap..and go figure.. Ivy is feeling better. I'm not sure if that's better or worse! lol
So I sit down at the computer like I do every morning with my coffee (cause I have no life) and one of the moms IM's me. She's not due for another 3 weeks but she's been having pains she says. This girl is 16 years old and stubborn as hell. It was hard to talk with her because she has this shell she puts up so people think she's tough. She would have sat there all night on the IM telling me she's fine when she wasn't. So I had to do a little detective work. Asking her how she was, and then reading into her responses. She was having contractions, but the thing is.. we were trying to tell whether they were Braxton Hicks or if they were early labor contractions. She can't tell. I'm not there. The midwife is over an hour away. Finally I email the midwife and tell her that my gut says this girl is in early labor. Her contractions were in her lower back and not so much in the front. That to me says "labor!".
The midwife writes back for me to find out if she's in pain or not. This is not an easy thing, for reasons I've already stated. First I decide to breathe with the girl through a contraction. I acted how I thought she would be acting really, not how she *says* the pain is. She maintained that the pain was only a 2 on a scale of 1-10.. but that my breathing with her did help. (clue) I told her that I thought the pain was more a 3 or 4. She said, "Okay." (clue) As more time passed she got more quiet in her messages to me. They came more infrequent, and never during a contraction. First 7 minutes apart, and now down to 3 minutes apart. This was defiantly the real thing. I emailed the midwife and told her to head on over. About an hour 1/2 later the girls water broke, just minutes before the midwife showed up. Shortly afterwards she was pushing. It was a long 2 hours of pushing. (for both of us) My husband also had a long day because he had to take Ivy into the other room to play. (over the gate) because she was being an attention hog. Its hard to push and breathe when a baby is climbing in your lap.
Finally the baby's head was born. We pushed together for about 15 minutes. Way too long for just the body to come out. The midwife said the shoulders were stuck. Things started getting frantic, and they were trying to get the mom to put her fingers in her vagina at the bottom and pull down while she was pushing. The students (in training) would push on the moms belly, and the midwife would try to corkscrew the baby around so the shoulder would get unstuck. The mom wasn't doing it, so I had to show her how. Quick second thinking in a moment of an emergency, and I didn't have to think twice. Now my boobs have been on the camera before, showing new moms how to breastfeed, but never anything else...ya know? I do my "birthing" in a long tee-shirt and undies. But I whipped the undies to the side and showed the mom how to put her fingers there and push at the same time. Luckily the baby was out in one long push! I was a bit worried, because I know it needed medical attention just to be sure.
The midwife wrote me this morning and told me the baby is absolutely fine and it was a great job. That's boys=1 and girls=4 Girls in the lead! ;-)
Now, I am totally feeling like shit. The flu has hit me hard and I'm hoping I'll have a few days to get better before the next one. I cannot believe I've helped deliver 3 babies in less than a week! THREE!! That just blows me away. If this keeps up I'm going to need an office with a birthing bed in it! Hahah! That would look kinda funny. lol
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