Saturday, July 23, 2005

Bathing Suit Shopping Sucks

I always thought those comic book strips and comedy shows saying that a woman buying a bathing suit has to be one of the worst shopping experiences ever, was exaggerating. And now I know it was the awful, pathetic truth. For the first time in my life I am unable to buy a bathing suit. I tried Old Navy first in their maternity section. I went for the XLG because I know I'm not a beanpole. They were too big. I walked out of the dressing room very happy. That is, until I noticed that they only had 2 bathing suits left in the LRG size. And both of them, upon trying them on.. were too tight. What do you do when you are too small for the biggest size, and too large for the next size down? Should I just give up and wear sweatpants to the beach? Is this some subtle hint that my body is not "bathing suit worthy?"

I decided to lower my standards. I checked Walmart. For one thing I was aggravated because they were "on sale" and yet still 13$ a piece. Yes, a piece. I couldn't even find one bathing suit that was selling both pieces together. I brought 6 into the fitting room. I stopped trying on when I got to number 3. My 7 year old is in there with me, attempting to stuff my breasts into the tops of these things mumbling under her breath, "Nope, I don't think these are going to fit you." I've never felt like my breasts were so huge until that moment. As we got back into the car, my husband said, "Did you find one?" and my daughter replied, "Nope! Mama's boobs are waaaaaaay too big for those bathing suits." sigh

As my final attempt, I went to Goodwill. They only had 3 bathing suits there. All size SMALL. I didn't even bother. I did glance at the price tag though. Close to 7$ for a used bathing suit that someone else's crotch has already been on. For only a few dollars more I could have gotten one at Walmart thats new! (though wouldn't cover my huge breasts I guess)

So where DO all the large breasted women go to buy bathing suits? Is there any hope whatsoever that I could find a bikini for these things? I'm not gigantic everywhere else. It seems that if I'm huge up top, then my arse must be just as huge.. and thats just not the case. I guess I am not proportioned well.

I'm SO ready for Fall now. Summer is overrated.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Its Finally Real!

Last night, I felt the baby move for the first time! Just a jab, but it was definitely it. I wouldn't ever forget what that feels like. For the first time its starting to sink in. I'm going to have THREE kids! Considering when I was little I always said I'd have twelve, I guess three isn't so bad. Still another month and 1/2 left until we find out whether or not this child will have clothes to wear, or shall be forced to go naked in the dead of winter. We have plenty of pink, but we'll have to do some serious shopping if its a boy! Not that fundamentally there is anything wrong with a boy in pink, but I'd like to be able to buy cute things for my first little boy just as I did with my girls. As of right now, I've bought nothing. Not even one thing. I figure I don't really need to until I find out the sex. My best friend already got me a ton of organic hemp prefolds and liners from Freecycle. She even got a few wool soakers! And the other day she surprised me with a new boppy pillow! (which is very good, because my daughter refuses to let anyone use "her pillow")

The past week we've been pretty busy. Visiting, cook outs, swimming, and rearranging the livingroom around. I've also been on a cooking binge the past few weeks. I seem to only get this way when I'm pregnant too. (my poor husband)

I've been thinking a lot about my spirituality, and I really need to get back into doing my daily devotions. Even my alter has been neglected lately. Oddly enough, I made a new tarot bag just last week and when I went to read my cards they all told me, "Yo! Pay attention to your alter!" Ooops. I guess in the blur of life I've been forgetting to slow down and remember the simple things. In all honesty, I've been in so much pain that once I sit down ..I'm down for the day. So any relaxing I do isn't done til after I'm tired. Is it any wonder I've been neglecting my alter? I try to space out the chores, and give myself little breaks, but I find they make it harder to get things done. Just the act of sitting down and standing back up hurts my hips and back something fierce. The chiro is still working with me on it. I had to forgo paying my cell phone bill this month in order to get the fish oil capsules she wanted me too though. Someday insurance will pay for "supplements", but until then.. my pain relief comes out of the bill money. Not that I really care much. No one calls me on it anyway. And the phone is a piece of shit. Seriously. The phone is almost a 200 dollar phone and yet for some reason, I can hear people..but they can't hear me. Its ridiculous. I'm afraid to even try to call anyone because its stupid to stand there screaming, "hello!!!??" and they just hear dead air.

Enough bitching for now. Wow. This entry started off on a positive note, what the hell happened? LOL I'm tired, and my headache is coming back.. so I'm gonna scoot off to bed. Night night.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Answering Machine Message From Hell

I don't think I've ever been this creeped out in my life. I woke up this morning to notice there were a few messages on the answering machine from last night. A few friends calling, an automated "don't you want to change your cable rates?", and one very creepy message.

An old woman crooning into the phone, singing "Happy Birthday". At first I thought, "must be a wrong number, thats kinda cute." Then she directly said happy birthday to ME. Using MY NAME. Okay, well... its nowhere near my birthday, but using my name is creeping me out. I don't have a real commonly used name. A wrong number I can understand, but a wrong number using my name?? I played it a few times, and it sounds like the beginning to a bad horror movie. I'm offically creeped out. The message said, "I was just thinking about you. I hope you have a happy birthday (my name) and many happy returns. Give me a call back."

I've run through the list of people I know, and I absolutly without a doubt do not know any old women. All my grandmothers have passed on, and I don't have any other relatives!


So, could you do me a favor? If it was you that called to wish me happy birthday albiet a tad bit too early, let me know! It would be better than this image of a grandmotherly type killer clown that comes out to eat me...

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Pregnancy Hormones

I have been crying on and off for the past few days. I don't feel pregnant except for the searing pain in my hips and back. I don't seem pregnant. I'm hardly big at all in comparison to my other pregnancies. I'm just bloated and blah. And then theres that pain thing. sigh

I want desperately to be happy, but I can feel the mood swings. I'm more sensitive and more angry than I usually am. I know, I know.. totally normal for pregnancy, but I hate it. I really do.

Tomorrow I have an OB appointment. Hopefully hear the heartbeat with the Doppler. I wonder if Booboo will behave and not scream the entire time we're in the office this time. That really does grate on my nerves. I ended up nursing her during my ultrasound. My OB said, "Well, I've never seen that done during this before!"

....Welcome to my life lady!

Witches Weekly for July 03

1. What do you think the role of pagan clergy is in our society/communities?

I've never really thought of this before, but I'd have to say that support, guidance, and of course participation in handfastings and other rituals. Since I do not view my religion as one that needs any "leadership" from the clergy, just being there as an elder to help guide and give advice would be what I'd like to see.

2. If there was a pagan temple in your community like the Temple of Sekhmet, would you use it for a place to hold handfasting, naming, and coming of age rituals?


3. Would you feel comfortable getting counseling from a member of the pagan community?

Yes! In fact, I have a good (Pagan) friend who is in college now to become a therapist and I would definitely see her in a professional capacity if she were not my friend. I'm not sure if counseling from a friend or acquaintance in the area I live in would be such a good idea though. Small town USA. I imagine people would have a hard time keeping such dirty laundry from being aired. But if it was someone I didn't know or associate with, who happened to be part of the Pagan community? Well, all the better! I once did have a therapist who was very unique. She studied feminism in college and was very up to date on Paganism as a whole, and was very understanding of my beliefs. She even incorporated rituals and the like into my sessions. Very cool!

Monday, July 04, 2005

4th of July

I figured now that I cancelled my account I would immortalize my World of Warcraft character here. My Everquest account is now up and active and my characters are still there! sigh of relief Hubby and I have played for a few minutes here and there, but nothing serious. Our weekend was far too busy to be on the computer.

We went to a friends birthday BBQ party and had a great time. I seriously don't know how this woman can cook so much food and not go insane, but its good eating! I can't really say that anyone else showed up that I couldn't have done without. They tried to be sociable, but they ended up being as cliquey as they usually are, even sitting on opposite sides of the yard. I didn't really mingle with anyone. I just waited for my friend to finish cooking, and hid in the house with her sometimes.

The kids had a good time for most of the day, until another older girl starting harrassing both our kids. They all ended up fighting and crying. Course, put any kids together for the whole day and you'll end up with piles of mush instead of your children. They simply can't handle all that fun and stimulation from other people for too long.

Before we left for the night, we consecrated and blessed her new sacred space in her yard. Its a lovely circle, with a fire in the middle of it. Very much close to nature. Hubby said it was the best circle he's ever been in. I agree that there is some very good energy there.

My hips were really starting to bother me late that night, and I went inside to sit down on the comfy chair for a few minutes. Booboo was asleep on me in the carrier so I was just sitting there quietly. My friend actually came inside to sit down with me because she was concerned! I could have almost cried right then! Aside from my husband, I don't think anyone has ever been so concerned and loving to me in my life. It was a good feeling, but at the same time I'm worried that I might not be giving enough back. For that matter, what do I have to give her?? I don't feel like I have much that would be enough. That's always my problem in friendships. I feel so blessed to be loved and thought of, that suddenly I wonder if maybe I'm not fullfilling my job as a friend. I don't want to be a taker, but how can I be a giver if I have nothing tangible to give? My husband would say I'm thinking to deeply about this. I don't see any other way to think though.

Anyway, enough of my rambling before I make myself cry. Pregnancy hormones I tell you...

We went back to their house the next day for swimming, dinner, and fireworks. We had gone to see the fireworks here in town the week before, but these were 4th of July fireworks. Alright, I have to be totally honest here, I'm not a patriotic person by a long shot. I try not to bash, but I also do not proclaim my love for this country because I don't think this country is acting as it should anymore. There are many moments in every day where I wish I could move clear out of here, but I can't because of shared custody. So, we go to the fireworks just for the entertainment purposes... and nothing else. I support our troops, though I do not support the war. And I did not vote for this president. Politically I don't think this country has ever been in worse shape, and I simply gag at the thought of running around with flags on my shirt and saying "God bless America". Whew. I feel better with that off my chest... Anyway, the kids had a good time, the men got to have a burn pile and feel manly while they did it, (always a recipie for a good time) and us women got to be a bit more relaxed than we were the day before with all the other people there. Somewhere around midnight total and sheer exhaustion hit. I was afraid I'd fall asleep right in the chair, so we left to go home. I slept pretty well last night too.

We had a pretty packed weekened! More excitment than this boring family is used to thats for sure! I'm not sure if I want to move for the next few months now.. but hey, we had fun.

Oh, and did I mention the food? omg... YUM! This woman could have a career cooking and making peoples bellies happy.