Oopsies

Omg I'm such an idiot. See? See?! Pregnancy brain has stuck already! I told you it would! It seems that the Comments for my blog have been disabled for quite some time now. No wonder you all were so quiet! I thought it was my lack of showering on a day to day basis that was driving you all away. (What?! Stop looking at me like that.. I was just kidding..) So anyway, I've enabled the comments once again, and uh.. for the past posts as well. Sorry about that! I'll try to keep my brain screwed in tighter!

Results Are In!

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BABY!

Yay! They did an ultrasound yesterday, but the parts were too small to see. She said if she had a gun to her head, she'd say it was a girl.. but that a scrotum could be tucked up in there somewhere. So we'll have to wait until my next one in 11 days. Hopefully they'll be able to tell the sex of my little sprout then! I think after all my worries about having a boy, I actually worked myself up to be excited about the prospect of having one. So much so that I might be a tiny tiny bit dissapointed if its not. I know I'll be wonderfully happy with another girl, but having time to adjust will be helpful. I honestly hadn't even entertained the thought of having another girl! I guess I should probably start huh?

My AFP profile came back, and it was negative. Course, the doctors office called and left me a message telling me to call them about my results, which freaked me out. Usually most offices don't call you if its good news because they have better things to do. They only call if its bad.. Luckily, this office is pretty cool! I am SO GLAD that I changed OB's this time around. Do you realize I haven't had one single internal exam, or even had my belly measured?? And I'll be 5 months along soon! Very very hands off OB here. I love it.

39 (give or take) Things About Me

1.What is your full name? Ha! Not getting that out of me.

2. What color pants are you wearing? I'm wearing jammies. When I do wear pants though, its almost always jeans.

3.What are you listening to right now? PBS on the television, and my daughter humming to herself.

4. What was the last thing you ate? Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and a cup of coffee

5. Do you wish on stars? Only shooting stars

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? The darkest green in the box

7.How is the weather right now? Beautiful in my house with the air conditioner! Outside? I have no idea.

8.Last person you spoke to on the phone? Tmobile Customer Service
9.Do you like the person who sent this to you? No one loved me enough to send it to me. I stole it off my friends blog. LOL

10. How old are you today? 26

11.Favorite drinks? Iced coffee, and sometimes Pepsi

12. Favorite sport? Horizontal Tango

13. Hair color? Was dirty blond. Not really sure what color it would be now.

14. Do you wear contacts? Nope

15.Siblings? Yup. A half sister I haven't seen since I was 9, and a half brother I have never met

16. Favorite month? October

17. Favorite food? Chicken noodle soup

18. What was the last movie you saw? The Wiggles.. (I'm going to kill you Heather!)

19. Favorite day of the year? Samhein

20. What do you do to vent anger? Grumble, cry, talk about it or write it down

21. What was your favorite toy as a child? My Carebear, "Funshine"

22. Hugs or kisses? Depends on if I really like you or not. If I like you, hugs. If I don't like you.. get the fuck away from me!

23. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? What friends? LOL

24. Who is most likely to respond? Bah, on a blog..

25. Who is least likely to respond? Yup, still on a blog..

26. When was the last time you cried? Wait, I have to think hard.. umm.... yesterday. Yup.

27. What is under your bed? Nothing! Its clean under there!

28. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Myself

29. What did you do last night? Played EQ2 for awhile and then went to bed early because I was exhausted!

30. What are you afraid of? Rejection and failure

31. Plain, buttered or salted popcorn? Covered in butter and salt!

32. Favorite car? Talon

33. Favorite flower? Violets, ivy, beach roses, and sunflowers

34. Number of keys on your key ring? I'm not sure. I haven't used it in a year or so. Probably only 3. Two for the house, and 1 for the car that I sold and forgot to return the key. LOL

35. How many years at your current job? SAHM, 7 years 1 month.

36. Favorite day of the week? Saturday

37. What did you do on your last birthday? Absolutly nothing, but went out to breakfast a few days later.

38. How many cities have you lived in? Grand total of 10 different towns

39. What popular expression best fits your personality? "Whatever"

Bathing Suit Shopping Sucks

I always thought those comic book strips and comedy shows saying that a woman buying a bathing suit has to be one of the worst shopping experiences ever, was exaggerating. And now I know it was the awful, pathetic truth. For the first time in my life I am unable to buy a bathing suit. I tried Old Navy first in their maternity section. I went for the XLG because I know I'm not a beanpole. They were too big. I walked out of the dressing room very happy. That is, until I noticed that they only had 2 bathing suits left in the LRG size. And both of them, upon trying them on.. were too tight. What do you do when you are too small for the biggest size, and too large for the next size down? Should I just give up and wear sweatpants to the beach? Is this some subtle hint that my body is not "bathing suit worthy?"

I decided to lower my standards. I checked Walmart. For one thing I was aggravated because they were "on sale" and yet still 13$ a piece. Yes, a piece. I couldn't even find one bathing suit that was selling both pieces together. I brought 6 into the fitting room. I stopped trying on when I got to number 3. My 7 year old is in there with me, attempting to stuff my breasts into the tops of these things mumbling under her breath, "Nope, I don't think these are going to fit you." I've never felt like my breasts were so huge until that moment. As we got back into the car, my husband said, "Did you find one?" and my daughter replied, "Nope! Mama's boobs are waaaaaaay too big for those bathing suits." sigh

As my final attempt, I went to Goodwill. They only had 3 bathing suits there. All size SMALL. I didn't even bother. I did glance at the price tag though. Close to 7$ for a used bathing suit that someone else's crotch has already been on. For only a few dollars more I could have gotten one at Walmart thats new! (though wouldn't cover my huge breasts I guess)

So where DO all the large breasted women go to buy bathing suits? Is there any hope whatsoever that I could find a bikini for these things? I'm not gigantic everywhere else. It seems that if I'm huge up top, then my arse must be just as huge.. and thats just not the case. I guess I am not proportioned well.

I'm SO ready for Fall now. Summer is overrated.

Its Finally Real!

Last night, I felt the baby move for the first time! Just a jab, but it was definitely it. I wouldn't ever forget what that feels like. For the first time its starting to sink in. I'm going to have THREE kids! Considering when I was little I always said I'd have twelve, I guess three isn't so bad. Still another month and 1/2 left until we find out whether or not this child will have clothes to wear, or shall be forced to go naked in the dead of winter. We have plenty of pink, but we'll have to do some serious shopping if its a boy! Not that fundamentally there is anything wrong with a boy in pink, but I'd like to be able to buy cute things for my first little boy just as I did with my girls. As of right now, I've bought nothing. Not even one thing. I figure I don't really need to until I find out the sex. My best friend already got me a ton of organic hemp prefolds and liners from Freecycle. She even got a few wool soakers! And the other day she surprised me with a new boppy pillow! (which is very good, because my daughter refuses to let anyone use "her pillow")

The past week we've been pretty busy. Visiting, cook outs, swimming, and rearranging the livingroom around. I've also been on a cooking binge the past few weeks. I seem to only get this way when I'm pregnant too. (my poor husband)

I've been thinking a lot about my spirituality, and I really need to get back into doing my daily devotions. Even my alter has been neglected lately. Oddly enough, I made a new tarot bag just last week and when I went to read my cards they all told me, "Yo! Pay attention to your alter!" Ooops. I guess in the blur of life I've been forgetting to slow down and remember the simple things. In all honesty, I've been in so much pain that once I sit down ..I'm down for the day. So any relaxing I do isn't done til after I'm tired. Is it any wonder I've been neglecting my alter? I try to space out the chores, and give myself little breaks, but I find they make it harder to get things done. Just the act of sitting down and standing back up hurts my hips and back something fierce. The chiro is still working with me on it. I had to forgo paying my cell phone bill this month in order to get the fish oil capsules she wanted me too though. Someday insurance will pay for "supplements", but until then.. my pain relief comes out of the bill money. Not that I really care much. No one calls me on it anyway. And the phone is a piece of shit. Seriously. The phone is almost a 200 dollar phone and yet for some reason, I can hear people..but they can't hear me. Its ridiculous. I'm afraid to even try to call anyone because its stupid to stand there screaming, "hello!!!??" and they just hear dead air.

Enough bitching for now. Wow. This entry started off on a positive note, what the hell happened? LOL I'm tired, and my headache is coming back.. so I'm gonna scoot off to bed. Night night.

Answering Machine Message From Hell

I don't think I've ever been this creeped out in my life. I woke up this morning to notice there were a few messages on the answering machine from last night. A few friends calling, an automated "don't you want to change your cable rates?", and one very creepy message.

An old woman crooning into the phone, singing "Happy Birthday". At first I thought, "must be a wrong number, thats kinda cute." Then she directly said happy birthday to ME. Using MY NAME. Okay, well... its nowhere near my birthday, but using my name is creeping me out. I don't have a real commonly used name. A wrong number I can understand, but a wrong number using my name?? I played it a few times, and it sounds like the beginning to a bad horror movie. I'm offically creeped out. The message said, "I was just thinking about you. I hope you have a happy birthday (my name) and many happy returns. Give me a call back."

I've run through the list of people I know, and I absolutly without a doubt do not know any old women. All my grandmothers have passed on, and I don't have any other relatives!

shivers

So, could you do me a favor? If it was you that called to wish me happy birthday albiet a tad bit too early, let me know! It would be better than this image of a grandmotherly type killer clown that comes out to eat me...

Pregnancy Hormones

I have been crying on and off for the past few days. I don't feel pregnant except for the searing pain in my hips and back. I don't seem pregnant. I'm hardly big at all in comparison to my other pregnancies. I'm just bloated and blah. And then theres that pain thing. sigh

I want desperately to be happy, but I can feel the mood swings. I'm more sensitive and more angry than I usually am. I know, I know.. totally normal for pregnancy, but I hate it. I really do.

Tomorrow I have an OB appointment. Hopefully hear the heartbeat with the Doppler. I wonder if Booboo will behave and not scream the entire time we're in the office this time. That really does grate on my nerves. I ended up nursing her during my ultrasound. My OB said, "Well, I've never seen that done during this before!"

....Welcome to my life lady!


Witches Weekly for July 03

1. What do you think the role of pagan clergy is in our society/communities?

I've never really thought of this before, but I'd have to say that support, guidance, and of course participation in handfastings and other rituals. Since I do not view my religion as one that needs any "leadership" from the clergy, just being there as an elder to help guide and give advice would be what I'd like to see.

2. If there was a pagan temple in your community like the Temple of Sekhmet, would you use it for a place to hold handfasting, naming, and coming of age rituals?

absolutely!

3. Would you feel comfortable getting counseling from a member of the pagan community?

Yes! In fact, I have a good (Pagan) friend who is in college now to become a therapist and I would definitely see her in a professional capacity if she were not my friend. I'm not sure if counseling from a friend or acquaintance in the area I live in would be such a good idea though. Small town USA. I imagine people would have a hard time keeping such dirty laundry from being aired. But if it was someone I didn't know or associate with, who happened to be part of the Pagan community? Well, all the better! I once did have a therapist who was very unique. She studied feminism in college and was very up to date on Paganism as a whole, and was very understanding of my beliefs. She even incorporated rituals and the like into my sessions. Very cool!

4th of July

I figured now that I cancelled my account I would immortalize my World of Warcraft character here. My Everquest account is now up and active and my characters are still there! sigh of relief Hubby and I have played for a few minutes here and there, but nothing serious. Our weekend was far too busy to be on the computer.

We went to a friends birthday BBQ party and had a great time. I seriously don't know how this woman can cook so much food and not go insane, but its good eating! I can't really say that anyone else showed up that I couldn't have done without. They tried to be sociable, but they ended up being as cliquey as they usually are, even sitting on opposite sides of the yard. I didn't really mingle with anyone. I just waited for my friend to finish cooking, and hid in the house with her sometimes.

The kids had a good time for most of the day, until another older girl starting harrassing both our kids. They all ended up fighting and crying. Course, put any kids together for the whole day and you'll end up with piles of mush instead of your children. They simply can't handle all that fun and stimulation from other people for too long.

Before we left for the night, we consecrated and blessed her new sacred space in her yard. Its a lovely circle, with a fire in the middle of it. Very much close to nature. Hubby said it was the best circle he's ever been in. I agree that there is some very good energy there.

My hips were really starting to bother me late that night, and I went inside to sit down on the comfy chair for a few minutes. Booboo was asleep on me in the carrier so I was just sitting there quietly. My friend actually came inside to sit down with me because she was concerned! I could have almost cried right then! Aside from my husband, I don't think anyone has ever been so concerned and loving to me in my life. It was a good feeling, but at the same time I'm worried that I might not be giving enough back. For that matter, what do I have to give her?? I don't feel like I have much that would be enough. That's always my problem in friendships. I feel so blessed to be loved and thought of, that suddenly I wonder if maybe I'm not fullfilling my job as a friend. I don't want to be a taker, but how can I be a giver if I have nothing tangible to give? My husband would say I'm thinking to deeply about this. I don't see any other way to think though.

Anyway, enough of my rambling before I make myself cry. Pregnancy hormones I tell you...

We went back to their house the next day for swimming, dinner, and fireworks. We had gone to see the fireworks here in town the week before, but these were 4th of July fireworks. Alright, I have to be totally honest here, I'm not a patriotic person by a long shot. I try not to bash, but I also do not proclaim my love for this country because I don't think this country is acting as it should anymore. There are many moments in every day where I wish I could move clear out of here, but I can't because of shared custody. So, we go to the fireworks just for the entertainment purposes... and nothing else. I support our troops, though I do not support the war. And I did not vote for this president. Politically I don't think this country has ever been in worse shape, and I simply gag at the thought of running around with flags on my shirt and saying "God bless America". Whew. I feel better with that off my chest... Anyway, the kids had a good time, the men got to have a burn pile and feel manly while they did it, (always a recipie for a good time) and us women got to be a bit more relaxed than we were the day before with all the other people there. Somewhere around midnight total and sheer exhaustion hit. I was afraid I'd fall asleep right in the chair, so we left to go home. I slept pretty well last night too.

We had a pretty packed weekened! More excitment than this boring family is used to thats for sure! I'm not sure if I want to move for the next few months now.. but hey, we had fun.

Oh, and did I mention the food? omg... YUM! This woman could have a career cooking and making peoples bellies happy.

They always return to Everquest

/wave

runs as tomatoes and other various rotten vegetables fly at her through the air..

Wait! No! Just hear me out for a second! As you've probably already guessed by the title, I'm returning to Everquest. I gave World of Warcraft a fair shot, and though I did enjoy the game, something is lacking. I wish I could say exactly what it is, but I'm not sure. I do know that I don't know anyone who passes by me on the server. No one really makes friends for the long term. They group just long enough to get a quest completed and then their gone. Never to be seen again.

The graphics in World of Warcraft are wonderful. Different than most MMORPG's out there, but very good. I loved the colors, and in comparison Everquest 2 looked extreemly washed out and boring. Add to the fact that the gameplay in Everquest 2 was terribly lacking and that pretty much sums up why I was only there for a few months. World of Warcraft I played for a good 5 months.

My reasons for leaving World of Warcraft? The dynamics of the game just don't feel right to me. Its easy to solo. Too easy. That same thrill of "am I going to live or die?" just wasn't there. Once I killed one type of mob, I knew that I could kill that same mob a zillion times over. Once a tactic was down, it never faltered much. In EQ that simply isn't the case. Several different factors can change in a second. Not all mobs are equal, regardless of con color. You just never know what you might get. Sure its annoying. Do we yell and scream and throw an occasional keyboard? Hell yes! But that's half the fun of playing any MMORPG. If it doesn't make you angry sometimes, then it doesn't truelly make you happy either. You have to have that anger to keep you going. That frusteration level. And if there is anything that SOE is good at, it's keeping its customers frusterated! See? Perfect match! The game dynamics just FIT. As much as people bitch and complain about Everquest, I really have not found a game that is better. Tactics are IMPORTANT in this game. You can't run around and solo every mob and call yourself uber just because. You have to work at it. Sure, there's the powerlevelers and the losers in every game. I guess I just prefer knowing who they are. Its like still having love for your old neighborhood even though its run down and desolate. Its still comfortable. You feel like you belong.

Lately I haven't logged in to World of Warcraft at all. In fact, when I went to cancel my account (Yes! I did it!) it said I hadn't logged in since June 11th. That's almost 3 weeks! If I haven't logged in since then, I probably won't again. Just in case, our characters are saved on the server. If we ever decide to try it again. For now though, I've loaded EQ back up on the computer. If my computer would stop spontanously rebooting then perhaps I'd get done with the patcher sometime today.

So, you can find me on the Bertoxx server. Kerriana the dr00d with no pants still. (hopefully! If they haven't deleated my characters.. ooh I'll be steamed if they did) Tonight my dh is looking at all the new graphics in the newbie zones. He made a one week trial account and he's running around with all the old model graphics on because that account has no expansions on it. Its amazing what used to be considered great in gaming only 6 years ago. Laughable really! We get a good chuckle looking at the wood elves that people used to go gaga over and think were sexy. LOL

Well, theres my confession for now. We are, yet again returning to Everquest. No other game feels quite like home.

/camp

Cherry Blossoms