Pretty girl

Yo

Say what?

Just one of the girls

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Persephones Smile

This is the best smile I've ever caught on camera. You can even see both her dimples! I think this picture was taken when she was around 2 1/2 months old. Such a happy little baby she is. :) I can hardly believe that she's almost 4 months old. Where has the time gone..

Almost 4 months old... Ms Persephone Jade

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PS3 Fixed!

I'm so happy! I've been missing playing Rockband for months now. My fingers have been itching for something to do. The concentration it takes to play guitar, and sorta zone out at the same time. And the best part? It got fixed for free! Thats right. The money in my pocket is now money without a goal. I love that! I guess one of our neighbors was at the bus stop with Chris this morning and said he fixes them as a side job, and told Chris to bring it on over. So he did and he fixed it in minutes! The solder had come off the motherboard and he just put it back on. Rockband here I come!!

Sorry, Wrong Box

Rejection and lonliness are overwhelming feelings. For as long as I can remember, I've never quite meant to others, what they've meant to me. Its hard to put into words, but its as if my entire being is a misunderstanding. Every time I find out a friendship isn't as important to the other person, or that it means too much but not in the right way, I'm confused yet again. Dave is in love with me, but now he's not. Roy is dying of cancer, yet rejects my offer to visit. Every time I thought I was in a category it turns out I'm not. Dave was family to me. Yet was secretly in love with me. You cannot unring a bell. I'll never feel the same way about him again. Its ruined. Roy means so much to me. But that chapter of his life is closed.

I feel as if everyone says, "I will love you how I want to love you." and nothing is ever mutual. I'm trying to balance so much and in the end I feel awkward and uneasy. I feel rejected and lonely. I try to stay on top of the depression, but my brain starts to think back and find every instance in my past where this has happened before. Is there something fundamentally wrong with me? Why am I always either being loved too much past the boundary line, or cast aside like a used tissue? Is this how friendship and family is supposed to feel?

It sucks to be honest. Everyone is finally feeling better in the house, and I can't get over this cloud of sadness. My jaw is stuck closed, so I've been on a liquid/soft food diet for weeks. I've lost a bit of weight because of it too. Thats the good part.  The bad part is the pain and stiffness and tension that I have on my face and head all the time. Pain medication and muscle relaxants are all that help me. I have appointments at UNE, I guess they have a TMJ center. I was scheduled for last week but I had strep throat and was completely out of commission. Now that I've had some antibiotics in me I'm feeling much better. The jaw however is not.

I should post this entry before something comes up and it never gets added. I have 5 or so already that are still drafts that won't ever be completed. I had to vent about my feelings today I guess. I feel worthless and lost. So many feelings discarded, switched. I feel manipulated and used. I dunno.. maybe I don't even have a reason to feel that way. All I know is, whenever I get comfortable with people and start to trust them.. they let me down. Whenever I think I'm putting people in the right catagories, at the worst possible moment they say, "Sorry, you put me in the wrong box." No I didn't. I put you where you were supposed to be. Why are you trying to change boxes? Why isn't anyone ever satisfied with what they have?

Persephone at almost 3 months

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Odin's Speech at 24 months old

Odin will be turning two years old in 17 days and I'm concerned that his speech is not progressing as it should be. He doesn't say any sentences except ones that were learned together as a phrase like "thank you" and "I love you"- He cannot copy after me when I say something, and if he manages to say a word, I might not hear it again. Its like he forgets. He also adds an "L" into his words all the time. The only question he asks is "Whatsthat" and it sounds like "wahdah" run together, no inflection at all. He doesn't actually converse at all, it's mostly just yelling at his sisters or saying random things from his favorite thing "Go Diego Go", For instance, if I ask him his name he'll say "Diego!" He has no response to asking him to make animal sounds. He can point them out if I ask him, "Show me the cow" but he doesn't imitate me saying them or tell me what they sound like. (with the exception of Llama. He does say that because he sees that one on Diego of course.)
Some examples of his speech are:

nay nup= thank you
nut= donut
ee= please
dago=diego
duh duh= anything else he doesn't know
et ee= empty
g low= playdough
et cho clats= santa clause
pone= phone
oooh= buddah
pen= money
mummy=money
klee= keys
glaa=soda
tloy=toy
no= snow
deritis= there it is
glacksin= michel jackson
ee=wee
nup= yup

woo=whale weeble=whale
ooh un=all done
ee all=snail
da=ducks
ah dun=my turn

dladdy=daddy
wee=swing

wee wee, mee mee, and winwe= windy

chloclate=chocolate (I'm actually impressed by that one)

up= help and cup

er= hair

jeb-brar= jaguar (from diego)

dop=stop

you=ewww

kliss=kiss (again an L)

jay tul= gentle

el come= welcome

tres=three in spanish 

quatro=four in spanish

poor=four

Pie po, pee po=Piper

Eye ee=Ivy

Eh a rah=Sierra

Geh=give

Do=two

Be=three

klee-dlup=clean up

et=hat

nee nah=banana

uh me=look at me

yo-k=are you okay

ah dun= my turn

If he doesn't know what something is, he responds with either something else, like exclaiming "Day go!" (diego) or by saying "Doh Doh" or making a hissing sound.
He does say some words correctly. Ball, Mama, baby, Daddy (sometimes… other times daddy is said with that "L" as in DLaddy"
He does get upset when we don't understand him, but it does no good because he simply repeats the word over and over again. If we ask him if he wants milk, he's just scream and keep saying "eeuck eeuck" which is what milk is I guess.
He says "yes" and "no" and they sound so much the same that I'm never sure. Most of the time unless its something about his tv show, I have no idea what he's saying until we go through the list of things he could want.
Am I right to be a little concerned? He is my first boy and I have 4 other girls that talked in sentences by now.Are these errors that are normal for a 2 year old?

I was reading about Apraxia and wondering if it fits that description. So instead of sitting here looking things up I decided to call CDS and set up an evaluation.

Ok. Banning drug references and hate messages on shirts in school i get. Making me drive to school to drop off jeans for my daughter because she wore pj pants today . .is ASS. It makes no sense and angers me. U suck BMS!

When Will Winter Be Over?

We're in the middle of a three day snow storm and I've about had it with winter! I know, I've said it before.. but I really haven't been enjoying winter much anymore. The older I get the more I desire warmer weather. Not only does it bring the cold and snow, but lately its been bringing sickness.

A few weeks ago we all recovered from H1N1 (the swine flu) Some of us were not hit very hard. (me, the hardy healthy one! heh.) And others were. Persephone had to be hospitalized in what was probably the scariest night for me. Two spinal taps, a catheter, blood labs drawn and redrawn, every exam in the book, xrays, .... on a 6 week old baby is not fun. No, I can think of a million things I would rather have been doing for those 4 days. But eventually she got better. Eventually we all get better.

Now only a few weeks later, and Ivy has been sick for two days. She's had a fever of 104 today, and been in bed since Thursday. Poor girl. She was so excited to go to school on Monday and show everyone her new glasses, but I don't think she's going to make it. Hopefully she'll be feeling better tomorrow but I think the fever will hang on. Chief complaints? Head pain, neck pain, stomach pain, fever, throwing up. I've had a headache for a few days now, sore throat and neck pain. Of course, me being mama I don't even realize I'm not feeling well until one of my kids tells me they're sick. Then I seem to take inventory of myself and say, "Hey... come to think of it....my head hurts too.."  I'm known for missing the obvious.

Hey Spring! Can you hear me? I'm done with this winter stuff. I'd appreciate if you'd come a little early this year. Yanno, make things green.. warm stuff up a bit. You can even keep it pretty chilly at 50 degrees if you'd like. Us Mainers will still be outside with shorts on anyway.

I'm going to turn in for the night. 5am comes early around here.

Pipers Scowl

Oh my. .

Piper and Her Snowman

Piper and her snowman!